My smart phone tweeted a wake up tune. The house was quiet but my mind loudly swirled with all that the upcoming day would serve me. An ache droned in the pit of my stomach. Nerves and anxiety took their place. The warm soft covers soothed just a bit. But, at 6am in the morning I have duties, I have responsibilities that propel me out of the covers and toward the things that moms do to get everyone out the door in one piece. I combed his wet little head and listened to silly jokes that 5 year olds find hysterical. I then trekked back to my room to comb my own hair and throw on my tennis shoes. My routine told me that I have a work out today. So I continued on.
The un-made bed called my name. That sense of tidy-ness that doesn’t necessarily define my nature but gives me a sense of accomplishment in the morning again propelled me. I pulled the sheets tight and straighten the crisp white quilt. Leaning down to add the pretty decorative pillows my mom sewed for me years ago I almost stopped in mid task. Remembering all the pressures of the upcoming day I stood there tempted.
Why make the bed? Why tidy up if you are just going to jump back in there later this morning? A day in the bed is just what you need.
The idea of throwing the covers over my head and hiding out with a quiet house and a busy mind seemed like the perfect way to escape. I like to escape. I like to allow my self-made bed cave to envelope and lure me back to a sleep in a place where deadlines exist not. A dream land where pressure and well…life…is just quiet and peaceful.
But I know how this plays out. After hours of hiding and denying the part of me that knows that I’m hiding and denying shouts, “STOP! Get yourself together. Just do it. Just tackle it. Quite hiding and LIVE!”
That part of me is the Holy Spirit drawing me out of my denial and avoidance and into His abundance waiting for those who resist the temptation of self-focus. Yes, that is self focus I’m dealing with. For when I’m turned inward to such a degree where I think I can’t handle the pressure, I can’t measure up, I have nothing of value to add, I’m pushing out the absolute reality that it is not about what I can’t do. It is not about what I can’t handle or what I can’t bring to the table.
No…it is about what God does in me and through me.
My act of crawling back in the bed keeps me from stepping into my purpose for the day: seeking out Jesus, living in worship, serving out of love.
So, I begrudgingly add the pretty pillows to the bed and move on knowing this simple task of making the bed serves to cut off the temptation of hiding and denying. Though I begrudge the idea that I must get over myself, my past experience of LIVING and seeking and worshipping Him outweighs.
I add the pretty pillows and get on with the day.
***I would love to know what keeps you in a place of self focus? Do you have your own “cave” you hide in?
***Do you see value in intentionally stopping yourself for hiding and denying so you can LIVE?