I click over and I stall. How does this even work again? What is my password? What is the process, again? I blink a few times, take a deep breath and dig into the depths to figure it all out. You see, it has been a while. A long while, in fact, since I’ve occupied this tiny space on the world wide web that I call a blog. Why? I’ve stalled because I’m just trying to figure things out.
These things I’m trying to figure out, well, they are bigger than how and where to click and type. They are more daunting than just the surface level if I allow myself to get beyond that first layer. These things scare me because at this point, I just don’t know how to put it into words. And that is a problem for this wordy gal who talks too much and too loud.
So to just get down to it, I’m flat out in the process of figuring out what is next and how to even navigate the road ahead. Have you been there? Please tell me you have! We can hold each other’s hands and exclaim, “I get it!! I’ve been in that weird space of the unknown.” This is me saying that I just need to figure it out and I’m going to be ok with not even knowing what the “it” is. I’m confident that I’m not the only one in this awkward space. You too? Welcome…let’s be awkward together!
So just some updates for those who have allowed me to share my heart with you over the last however many years. (Thank you, by the way, for reading so faithfully and subscribing to this blog!)
~I spent the first quarter of 2015 living out a ministry dream of mine. We launched The Women’s Collective in my local community out of pure faith…or maybe it was out of pure ignorance. Ha! It was challenging, overwhelming, and flat out hard at times. But, to gather women from my community to collectively RISE UP! and make Jesus famous was worth the sometimes blood, sweat, and tears. For every challenging moment, there were sweet songs of praise to our Lord. For every time I wanted to throw in the towel, there was the realization that women from all walks of life gathered in one room and broke barriers. For every sleepless night, there was the picture of my friend opening up His Word, memorizing the entirety of Psalm 145, and speaking that over a room full of women. She did this regardless of the fact that it is sometimes scary to be vulnerable in front of a room full of women.
I poured out so much I had not one more word to share. After those months of hard work, I circle back to the “what is next” and I just need to figure things out. The unknown threatens my daily clarity.
~ As I type this there is a sign in the yard, pointing toward a house for sale that we’ve loved for 10 years. We are digging up our roots here in North Carolina and moving back to Texas. Oh the timelines and the lack of clear answers! My timelines. My deadlines. My expectations. So much life up in the air. If I was ever forced to walk out what I “preach” I am forced to do that now. Trusting God with this very tangible life change honestly makes me question if I’ve got the chops. Can I really live out what I write about everyday?
Will you join me on my journey? One thing I know while I’m just trying to figure things out is that I’m not alone in my questions, my uncertainty, my underlying doubt…right?
Over the next however long it takes, let’s figure things out together. I will be showing up to this space each week (On Wednesdays!) to share what I’m learning. Your situation might not be the same as mine. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But, really, I know that the underlying root of what drives us during these awkward times of figuring it out is common to all. Let’s uncover that root and allow the Holy Spirit to move in our midst.
I would love to hear from you! What is something you just need to figure out these days?
Leave a comment…let’s chat!