I just heard on the radio this morning Dr. James Dobson talking about his encounter with Ted Bundy — a gruesome murderer. Dobson mentioned that Ted told him during their meeting the night before his execution that he repented of his sins. I am so ashamed at my reaction to this statement.
My first thought was God, if he gets into heaven after performing such atrocities, won’t this man get away with out some eternal judgment from you?!?
My second thought was (I am not exaggerating here) heaven will be tainted with a man like this allowed in!
Though this is not a discussion of whether or not Bundy became a Christian or not — none of us will know that answer except for the Almighty — the issue is my reaction to this piece of information. Frankly, it scared me how my heart turned so ugly in a split second.
Then the LORD set me straight. In the recesses of my mind as these thoughts swirled around, I was reminded of the fact that in comparison to the most HOLY and Pure KING OF KINGS, I also should be exempt from heaven the same way any murderer or terrorist is apart from Jesus Christ!
OUCH!
God spoke to my heart that but by the grace of His love and mercy, I too, am seen as an unpure creature in His eyes. This sounds so harsh on the surface, but there is such good news in the layers upon layers of that statement.
We serve a pure and righteous God. Psalm 97 says:
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne
Psalm 97:2 (ESV)
The fact that our God doesn’t allow even a speck of dirt in His presence is a good thing. If we are going to follow whole heartedly a God that demands every ounce of our being, don’t we want a God that is the definition of perfection? If He were not pure and Holy, we might have cause to question His motives and agenda. Instead, this King that we serve is always steadfast and unwavering.
So where does that leave me and my twisted thinking? I also should be judged just as I concocted a judgement in my head for other more public sinners. Who am I to think that a repentant sinner does not deserve the same grace, forgiveness and admittance into heaven as I have received for my own atrocities?
My sin is no different than Mr. Bundy.
All have fallen short of the standards of our pure and holy God. But, ALL who have truly repented of their sins and turned from evil ways (Yes, Sarah, that means you and your evil ways, too! OUCH!) and come to Jesus will be allowed and welcomed into His Holy Presence.
Back to my self-rightous and ugly heart…
God, please change my thinking. Please show me the depth of your grace and how to bestow it upon others just as you have bestowed grace upon me daily. I do not deserve it, but I thank you and praise you for the love that Jesus poured over me when He shed his blood on the cross for my ugly sin and heart. Change me Lord, transform me. Let me see the lost as You see them through the lens of grace and mercy. Amen.
If I’m being honest, there is a very ugly side to my heart, too… a side that I usually like to pretend doesn’t exist, but it still manages to express itself in my thoughts and even, at times, in my actions. This is such God timing… I was just brainstorming a blog about some specific ugliness I discovered in my own heart the other day—though it manifest itself differently than you talked about in this post, it was still very real and VERY ugly. Praise God that He is so forgiving, so loving, and so perfect that we can look forward to an eternity in His presence despite our ugliness!!
Everyone has an ugly side to their heart, I believe. Mine really came out when I found out that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by our troops. I was actually joyed to hear that. Then, later, I was highly convicted in my heart of hearts that I should NEVER rejoice in death, even the death of someone who has caused so much turmoil. There is definitely something to be said of the way my heart must of looked to God that day. Thankfully, he is forgiving and sees the REAL heart that we have, ugly or pretty and seeks to change it accordingly.
Wow! I have to admit, the thought of Ted Bundy in Heaven when I get there unnerves me. But he was a child once – a child that God created. A man that God wanted a relationship with. It’s definitely hard for me to reconcile all that in my brain – but I guess that’s where the faith & trust in God comes in.
I catch myself thinking those thoughts sometimes, too, and the Lord bops me on the nose with His shepherd’s crook and sets me straight, too!! I often quote that verse where Paul says that Jesus came for sinners of whom I am the worst; yet, when faced with someone “worse” than me, I catch myself being judge and jury for their souls– and that is not my place! I know this feeling, and I’ve repented of it before myself. I pray that God would give me a clean and pure heart, one that is after His own heart! One full of grace and mercy for sinners!
I wonder often, who from history we will be faced with in heaven. Who repented and turned, or who died in their sins? I am interested to find out!
Sarah, your words are a blessing to read and reflect on…
Thank you! This just made my whole day!
Hi Sarah,
This was a really humbling post. Sometimes it is so tempting to think that I arrived here in my walk with Christ because of something that I did or the things I have achieved, but God really reminded me that every single good thing that may come from me is all because of His incredible grace. Without Him, we are all depraived and fall short. I’m also reading a Bible study by Beth Moore on David and she talks about some of the low moments in both David and Saul’s life…men who both were annointed by God and had high and shinning moments with Him. Saul became enraged with jealousy and spent his last days trying to kill David, and David slew towns of people while running from Saul as well as committing adultury and sending her husband to battle to die.
Ted Bundy did such unthinkable things, but so did David, and unfortunately without God and in our humanity we all fall short and are capable of things that are inhumane as well…it just seems easier to rationalize that they are not on that “level”.
Thank you for reminding us that God’s grace is so big and wide and full that we can all come confidently before His throne in our biggest messes. And thank you for reminding us that we all been forgiven so we can extend that grace to one another as well.
~Kandi
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