Week 4, friends! I love the community that is forming here. If you’ve yet to comment or you feel like your thoughts are not relevant or valid—you are WRONG! Everyone has something in their heart to share that most likely will encourage another. So click that little comment button and share your heart, ok? :)
Today starts our topic of dating and romantic relationships. This week we will talk about the dating phase of relationships. Next week we will talk about what I call Intense Relationships (engagement and marriage.) If you are not at the point where you are dating, please don’t tune out either of these weeks. All of this is great stuff to file away in your heart for later.
Two things I want to preface:
1: There are many schools of thought about dating. Many ideas on how dating, courtship, etc. should go. My thoughts in this book aren’t the only ways to look at things. My main focus here is to encourage you to put Jesus in the center of even your romantic relationships.
Be sure to check out the Appendix in the back of Stress Point for some great resources on dating. A few of my good friends wrote some wonderful books on this topic!
2: This chapter is not meant to bash men. PLEASE hear me say that. I want us to focus on our own hearts, our own intentional focus on Jesus as King over our romantic relationships. So, with that comes our responsibility to take a hard look at who we are dating. (See the video blog below)
Alright…let’s get started…
The Real (Video Blog)
The Raw (Discussion Questions)
~Which girlfriend case study do you most relate to? If you can’t relate to any of them, tell us where you stand as far as dating goes.
~Now that we are on Chapter 4 of Stress Point you should have a pretty good idea of what I mean when I say (and more importantly the Bible says) that Jesus is King of Kings. Tell me how you would define this term in regards to dating?
~What do you think about the questions I posed in the video above where I encourage you to take a hard look at who you are dating. Do you have any additional questions to add?
The Relevant (Bible Study Discussion Questions)
~In this chapter we dive into the name of God–Immanuel–God with us. I love this name as it gives me this warm feeling in my heart reminding me that when loneliness overtakes me, God is ALWAYS with me. Romantic relationships can be tough. It is also quite lonely when we are dating and feel like everyone else has their “Prince Charming” but us. Flip to page 81 of Stress Point and re-read where I introduce the name Immanuel-God with us.
Matthew 1:22-23 is where we find the name Immanuel in the Bible. This is where Mary, the mother of Jesus, is told she will give birth our King of Kings.
So all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying: 23 “Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which is translated, “God with us.”
God with us. Not God up in Heaven sitting remotely on His throne with out a care in the world for our everyday lives. Nope. God WITH us. How much do you love this name of God? I LOVE it.
~How can you worship your Immanuel in your dating relationships today? Whether or not you aren’t dating, how can you look to Immanuel to be your ultimate romancer? (See page 82 of Stress Point.)
~Not for some tough stuff. Don’t cringe…I promise we are all in this together. In Journal 3 (page 88) I had you take a hard look at sex. We will talk more about this in Part 2 next week. Take some time to read through Ephesians 5:3-5
Listen, don’t let any kind of immorality be breathed among you. Any demoralizing behaviors (perverse sexual acts, uncleanliness, greediness, and the like) are inappropriate topics of conversation for those set apart as God’s people. Don’t swear or spurt nonsense. Don’t make harsh jokes or clown around. Make proper use of your words, and offer them thankfully in praise. This is what we know for certain: no one who engages in loose sex, impure actions, and greed—which is just a form of idolatry—has any inheritance in the kingdom of God and His Anointed. (Ephesians 3:3-5 THE VOICE)
Take some time to journal through with the Lord on where you’ve messed up regarding sex. No need to comment here about this. I want this to be some private moments with you and your Immanuel.
Now…for the really good news…
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. (Romans 8:1 NKJV)
We’ve ALL sinned. We’ve all messed up in some way or another. Your sexual prommiscuity is no different in God’s eyes than my gossip and mean tounge. My past sexual prommiscuity is no different in God’s eyes than your lie you told your mom. We all fall short of God’s standards. BUT, BUT, BUT…when we
LOVE JESUS
Proclaim Him as our King and Savior
Ask Him for forgiveness
And LIVE OUT! the Kinship of Christ in every area of life…
All our mess ups, our sin is whiped away.
Can I get a HECK YEAH from ya?
Ok, today’s conversation has been pretty intense. Go take some time with your Immanuel. Really dig into the journal questions and converse with your King. Then come back here and share your thoughts!
Love you girls!
God has blessed me with a great life. I am starting my career in a great job. I’m financially stable. I have a family that loves and supports me and friends that do the same. Dating will probably be the toughest topic in this book for me. I am almost 22 years old, graduated from college and have yet to ever date or have a romantic relationship EVER. This summer both of my best friends got married, which makes this an even tougher subject. I long for a relationship with a Godly man and someday a happy, healthy and Christ-centered marriage. I pray that this chapter will speak to my heart and just continue to remind me, as my Mom always does, that God’s timing is the BEST timing.
Whitney! So glad you shared your heart. Listen to your Mamma-she’s right. :) It can be tough when everyone around you is getting married and being all lovey dovey. :) Stay focused on Him, my friend.
As far as dating goes, I’ve never been on a date or had a romantic relationship…..AND I’ll be 29 in a couple of weeks. I can honestly say I’m content. Yes, you read that correctly. I’m NOT stressed about dating or getting married.
Shortly after I turned 18 and right before I started college, God showed me the man I’d marry in the form of a dream. I had this dream only once, but it was so vivid I felt that I had personally experienced the scene in real life. I immediately woke up feeling a sense of peace, love, joy, and absolute harmony. It was also made clear that I wouldn’t marry until my 30s. At the time, I was confused as to why I’d be given this information at that age. I mean, I was starting college and was in no way interested in dating or marriage.
Well, earlier this year, and nearly 11 years later, I saw the SAME man that God showed me in my dream. Since that encounter, I’ve prayed for him and his family every day, many times multiple times throughout the day. Sarah wrote about praying for our future spouses on pages 93 and 94. I believe this is very important. In fact, I recently read an article that confirms just how important it is to pray for our future spouse: http://oursinglepurpose.com/2012/04/16/praying-for-your-future-husband
Over the course of time, there were the rare occasions where I’d ask why haven’t I been asked out on a date. However, deep down I knew in my heart that even though my friends were out with their boyfriends, I had nothing to be ashamed of.
I read ahead to the next chapter and in the first case study on page 98, Avery received a message from God that she wasn’t to date anyone during her freshman year of college. During those dateless nights, Avery immersed herself in the Lord and was at peace. I totally relate to her and her experience. As Psalm 37:4 says, “delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
I know in God’s perfect timing, I will properly meet this man. Until then, I’m patiently waiting.
I’ve come to realize that receiving God’s message all those years ago was a blessing. He made it clear early on the man I’m going to marry, therefore, I haven’t had to experience the heartbreak of failed relationships.
Bree-great insight. Thanks for sharing. There is a great book called Praying For Your Future Husband http://www.amazon.com/Praying-Your-Future-Husband-Preparing/dp/1601423489
I love these authors and love their insight. So glad you brought this resource to mind as it slipped my memory when writing this post.
I’m definitely going to read that book, Sarah.
I loved the book Praying for your Future husband and highly recommend it!
When I wrote the above entry late last night, I neglected to mention that this man is a Christian and is single. I believe the reason that we haven’t been properly introduced is me, due to my relationship with the Lord. On page 87, Sarah posed three questions. The way I’ve been walking out my faith all these years definitely needed work. I grew up with Christian values, but didn’t attend church. This is actually my first Bible study. Over the course of ten months, my relationship with God is growing and will continue to grow.
I also want to say, I agree with the three questions, from page 87, that we should ask about the man we’re dating. Additionally, the four questions discussed in the video that will show us if our guy loves Jesus are also great. Those are:
1. How does he walk out his faith?
2. Who are his friends/influences/support system?
3. How does he treat and respect authority?
4. Does he honor me?
I can’t think of any other questions at this time, but I’m interested in anyone else’s thoughts/questions.
Bree and Whitney,
I can totally relate to you gals. I will be 30 in November and I havent been on a date or even been asked out. Some days I am content with that but ot her days i wish i had someone. But to be honest… I am afraid.. I was sexually and physically abused when i was a little girl and my dad left us when i was 2 so i am feel really held back even if someone aksed me out. I would be afraid of him abandoning me or physicaly or sexually abusing me.
Sarah thank you for what you said about praying for our future mate. I will start doing that and I will also ask God if he doesnt have anyone for me that i would be content with that! .
Meg. I love your sweet honesty. It is ok to be afraid–that is the place where God steps in and becomes your EVERYTHING and you no longer need to fear. Let Him show you how much He loves and adores you. Let Him pour His peace and joy all over you. Hugs!
~Now that we are on Chapter 4 of Stress Point you should have a pretty good idea of what I mean when I say (and more importantly the Bible says) that Jesus is King of Kings. Tell me how you would define this term in regards to dating?
I think that we are to put God first and formost and have him fill our cup when its empty not our boyfriends or husbands. Jesus is our king of kings not our boyfriends or husbands.
Heck Yeah girl! You’ve got it! I’m doing the happy dance here like a proud teacher. (though I’m not a teacher-just a friend sharing her story)
Love how you worded that, Meg!
Bree and Whitney
I dont know if you are familiar with Nancy Leigh Demoss but her radio series right now is on Singleness!!! If you want to listen just go to Revive our hearts.com!!
Great resource—can’t recommend Nancy Leigh Demoss ENOUGH. She rocks.
Thanks, Meg. Here’s the link, in case anyone else would also like to hear the program:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/revive-our-hearts/singleness-and-unselfishness
Thanks so much Meg! I can’t wait to listen.
I think I am going to stand on this topic a little. And that is okay. I have been in 2-3 very serious relationships (not including the one I am in now). One thing I should mention is that I have just recently started my walk with getting to know God better and forming a relationship with Him. Those relationships mentioned above obviously all ended (most of them not bery well). I ended up hearbroken. But that is OKAY because I learned so much from those failed relationships. Those boys were not ones that I would want to spend the rest of my life with and I see that now. However I did not see it at the time. I have to admit that from my teenage years I have been very focused on boys. I am the girl who has looked for love in all the wrong places. I see all of this now. And like I said I learned some very valueable lessons from those failed relationships that made it worth it.
All that being said, I am in a great relationship now. We have been together going on three years now. He is so very good to me and takes great care of me. I truly believe that I was meant to be in his life for a reason. Before me he was heart broken pretty bad and had pretty much lost all hope and faith in women. So to say that we have had a rough road would be putting it mildly. But we have made it through and I think it was because we were meant too. I also have to be honest and say that when we started dating he did not want to get married. But now after almost three years, that has changed. We have talked about this and I know one day in the future we will get married. And that is the reason I believe I was put into his life. God is still working in us both and I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for our lives. Relationships (of any kind) are not easy. And I am sure we will still have our bad days. But with the help of God we will make it!
I think it is so awesome that you ladies are so content with being single. That is how I wish sometimes I could have been through my teens and earlier 20’s. But live and learn. As I said before I learned some great lessons from those not-so-great relationships. I am just now learning to focus on God in everything and that I think is going to make all the difference. I did not grow up going to church and learning about God. I would sometimes go to church with my grandma but that was it. And I have been baptized. But I have gone through stages in my walk with God. And this time I do not want it to be another “stage”. I want to really develope a relationship with God.
I hope each and everyone of you has a great week! God bless!
Kristen–another one of those “uh-huh been there, done that” when reading your response. I too focused alot of time, energy, heart, body toward boys in my past. Though I’m not proud of that, I too, learned lots of life lessons from those past relationships. I know I’ve said this before, but God doesn’t waste anything. He uses even our not so great moments to His glory. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Kristen, I love how you said:
“God is still working in us both and I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for our lives. Relationships (of any kind) are not easy. And I am sure we will still have our bad days. But with the help of God we will make it!”
So true! Everything happens for a reason.
Okay, confussion!!!!! Here is my problem with this chapter…. I too have “been there done that” when it comes to dating. Having only accepted Jesus as my Savior three years ago, I have many ungodly relationships. I am now in a three year relationship with the love of my life, whom I believe the Lord has set aside for me to marry in the future. Here is my problem…. He is not following God in his life. Two years into our relationship he went to prison for drug dealing charges and was there for a year. I stayed completely faithful to him and my relationship with God and him, both deepened on an emotional level, which I know God did so that we could see a relationship isn’t about the physical things. He accepted Christ while in prison, but when he got out, he hasn’t been ready to put away his “self” and do things the way the Lord would want. He is completely supportive of MY walk with God and hates whenever he realises he may be a stumbling block to me. I pray for him (maybe not as much as I should) that God will soften his heart and lead him to Him, but nothing has changed yet… So where as some of you women haven’t had a relationship, i’m in the best one of my life except HE DOESNT LOVE MY LORD! Oh God knows this has been an area of confusion for quiet some time in my heart…. OH! did I mention my BOYFRIEND was the one that LEAD me to Jesus?! There is a disconnect somewhere and I don’t know what to do about it.
Mozelle, in the next chapter (specifically pages 102-5), Sarah thoroughly explains the importance of you and your boyfriend having a separate relationship with God. Relying on each other’s faith isn’t going to work, as we’re all sinners and at some point will fail God. Therefore, both of you should individually worship the Lord. This is explained in the form of a triangle, where God is at the top, and you and your boyfriend are at the bottom. When you start from the bottom (where you and your boyfriend are) and move toward the top (God), you’ll see that the two of you move closer together. In other words, when you grow closer to God, your relationship with your boyfriend becomes richer and more meaningful.
Thank you so much for this Bree! I know I need to do this more… See while he was locked up, I did build my relationship with God more and me and my boyfriend were the best we’d ever been, even though he was in prison. But since he’s been out, I recently noticed that I was so excited that he was back in my life, that I kind of put God to the side… I am trying to fix that now.
Mozelle,
You are so awesome to share your honest heart. I want to be sure to answer your question with much sensitivity to your heart and your feelings toward your boyfriend. Please know that I don’t mean to sound harsh or that I’m putting down your boyfriend…please know that…
I’d like to give you this particular advice in the light that you are not yet married to this man. If you were married, the conversation would be a bit different.
Here is my advice: I suggest taking some time away from the relationship. Step back and take some time just you and the Lord. Take some quiet time, maybe several days, maybe several weeks, to talk to God and hang out with HIM. It really sounds like you have a committed relationship to Jesus and I would love to see you take some time with just the Lord to figure out your next step in the relationship with your boyfriend.
At this point, I would hate to see you distracted by your romantic feelings for your boyfriend (we are ALL susceptible of being swept off our feet) and fall away from your relationship to THE MOST important man in your life-Jesus. I don’t want to bash your boyfriend but if he is not living out His faith, I would hate for this to be a distraction for your faith.
I know this will hurt your heart if you do decide to take some time away from your boyfriend. I encourage you to talk to God about ALL of your feelings. Journal through your thoughts and just hash it all out with the Lord. HE is faithful and will guide and direct you when you seek HIM first.
Oh how I hope this helps. Hugs to you!
I always welcome honest answers, even if they do hurt to hear! So please do not ever hold back on me! haha I need all the discipleship I can get!!! I completely understand everything you said… But see here’s the thing…. I kinda did that while he was in prison. I had ALOTTTTT of time alone with God, and we went through alot of things and He healed alot of my pain and has made me a better person because of it. I just worry about him…. I want him to have the relationship with God that I do… And it’s because I love him, know the peace the Lord brings and the healing, and because that is something God wants for my life, to be with a man of God. I don’t remember what verse it is, but I remember reading in the bible that women should not leave their significant other just because of the fact that they are not following God. That we should pray for them and listen to God and show God’s grace through ourselves and they will God-willing follow… Am I wrong in thinking this??
Mozelle, I totally hear what you are saying. I’m so glad that you did have the opportunity to let God do some major work in you. I also love that you care so much for your boyfriend that you want him to have a vibrant relationship with God like you do. But here is the deal and this really goes for ANY relationship (romantic or friendship or family, etc) you can not be their Holy Spirit. You can not make them spend time with God, make them live their life in line with His Word, make them love Jesus more. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. Prayer is key in this situation.
I don’t know the answer to your concern about this relationship, really, only God can lead you and direct you.
In regards to the passage you mentioned, this is 1 Corinthians 7:13-14
If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband.
This specifically talks about the MARRIAGE relationship and not a dating or intense relationship (like I talk about in the next chapter of Stress Point). Because you are not married to this man, this verse doesn’t apply to you. When we are talking about bringing others to Christ, it gets muddy when we talk about a romantic relationship. So many things factor in like sexual feelings, heart feelings, etc. Like I said, you can’t be His Holy Spirit.
I hope this helps in some way. I hope it doesn’t confuse you more. I’m praying that God will fill in the gaps and speak His ultimate word to you for this situation.
Hugs!
This is how I feel about dating: UGHHHH!!!!!!
I would say that I most relate to GiGi. At the surface I have a career and independence, great friends, fun social life, yet I feel like I keep “missing” when it comes to dating. I have met, and gone on dates with great guys, but it never seems to click. I hate the roller coaster of being excited and then realizing you aren’t compatible. Especially as most of my friends are now married.
I used to be super intentional with what I would consider dates vs. “intentional” friendships but that led to a lot of heart break. It seemed like the guys that wanted to call things a date also wanted to get married the next week, and the guys that just wanted to be friends captured my heart. Sometimes I felt like guys were just interested because I fit a certain “Christian check-list” or they tried to super-spiritualize things pro or against a relationship. I am hesitant with my emotions anyways, so heartbreak in the realm of dating and God has not helped me! I felt even more confused when I met a great guy that I clicked with wonderfully, who wasn’t a Christian, didn’t date him because of that, and then watched as Christian girl friends dated and married guys who weren’t following God at the start of the relationship. So confusing!
I have since “rebelled” a little and gone on many casual dates (without compromising myself) and still feel very torn. My faith is important to me and something I wish to share with a partner, but I am conflicted. It has been hard to watch close girl friends “”missionary-date” and end up with guys they loved, because I desire to get married and have a family. It is frustrating to see others “break the rules” and seem to be living the dream. Or the other extreme, really awesome Godly girls who are still single and bummed. I know this sounds selfish, one-sided, and probably a tad immature and ignorant, but I am being honest. My head knows the truths of this chapter, but my heart doesn’t understand. As much as I hate to admit it, I often wonder if my expectations to date and potentially marry a Christian guy are too high. I pray daily to trust God in this area of my life, but the mixture of personal and 2nd-hand experience makes it difficult.
I hope this makes sense.
Sarah. Girl. Your comment makes perfect sense and I totally hear ya. But hear me when I say, DON’T compromise. :) You are doing the right things, my friend.
Sarah Cal your expectations for a Godly man are never to high don’t sell yourself short. I am surrounded by family and friends who are married and they always seem to push the issue of getting married because I am almost thirty. But I would rather be single for the rest of my life then to just settle because that is what everyone else thinks i should do NO WAY. I have struggled with being single for a long time so I know your pain but don’t settle for anything that isn’t good enough for God.
Thanks, Sarah and Jodi!
Sarah Cal, your expectations to date and marry a Christian guy are not too high. I agree with Sarah and Jodi, don’t compromise. Settling will not lead to happiness.
My past romantic relationships were not godly/Christ-centered…I don’t know why I’m always attracted to (& seem to always attract) the “bad boy”?! If this makes sense, it wasn’t until recently that I realized I was a Christian who simply believed as opposed to a Christian who was actively involved with Jesus.
I told a guy that I wasn’t a “party girl”…I never seen someone run away so fast! :) I laugh about that now, but boy did I dodge a bullet! :) But it gave me a new-found confidence to just be myself and let the guy know things upfront.
Now, I wait. In the meantime, I just remind myself of what everyone keeps telling me “it’s in God’s timing” or “God is just busy preparing both of y’alls hearts” and that “He’ll send me someone…maybe he’s just rockin’ it in Africa right now on a mission trip?!” :)
Jessica,
If some guy runs away because you’re not a party girl, you definitely doged a bullet there, my friend! Yes! What you said about waiting on God’s timing is spot on. While you wait, you can be “busy” in His word, in prayer and being intentional about relationships. I talk alot about Waiting At The Throne in Stress Point. I hope this encourages you further! Hugs!
Dating…bah! I wasn’t really looking forward to this chapter, I’m 26 years old and have never been in a serious relationship, my last ‘date’ was in 2004. I’ve always had high standards and would never compromise in dating someone that did not honor the same morals and values, and if they were not following and searching for God, I would have a problem considering dating them. I know 26 isn’t that old and I still have time but at the same time my three best friends of 10 years (all of which are younger) are married, getting married this summer, or on the way to engagement and it gets frustrating. And now recently my mom has switched from ‘you don’t need a guy’ to ‘isn’t there someone down there?’ I moved from PA to OK two years ago and I’ve had a really tough time making friends let alone dating. It gets super frustrating because I want to be married I want a husband, I’m not going crazy about it and I’ve accepted God’s ‘not yet’ but deep inside I have this fear that it is not in my future, that the family and husband I dream of are not in God’s plans for me and that someday I will have to accept that as His will for my life. I know I will accept it if it comes to that, but that doesn’t keep me from praying for my possible future husband.
And as a side note, think it would be inappropriate to wear a shirt that says ‘Dear Family, Yes, I am still single’ next time I go home? Why is ‘is there any guy in your life’ the first question out of everyones mouth?
That is awesome–the t-shirt idea. I hear ya, though. I’m sure it is tough getting those questions all the time. Keep clinging to your King.
Elle, I can completely relate to the family questions and the fears of never having those dreams come true. I think all we can do is pray and know that the Lord knows our hearts and our desires. I do not believe that He would put those desires in our hearts for no reason. I cling to that hope daily!
I agree, Whitney. Well said!
-Journal 1 – Identify Yourself – 7/9/12
Question #1- With which of the girlfriends in this chapter’s case studies do you most identify? Why? I was never really boy crazy or needed to have a boyfriend when I was younger; I was shy and kept to myself which I was fine with. But then when I was sixteen I met this boy, he was interested in me but I was indifferent at the time. We kind of stepped around each other for a few years and never really became friends or had a relationship. Then after 5 years we started to dated, I was head over heels in love with him I would have married him in a heartbeat, he even told me he loved me first. Not even two months into the relationship it went south, he started talking to his ex-girlfriend and then he started treating me differently. He wasn’t abusive or anything he just started acting weird and I knew something was up. We had a really bad breakup I was a total mess for a while after. I always thought maybe we would get back together, I never pushed at him and most of the time I played it pretty cool when I was around him (did I mention that he is my sister’s Brother in Law so I see him all the time). After the break up I buried myself in school and never really got back into the dating scene and then after school I headed out to Harrisburg, PA. There were guys there that were interested but I still kept to myself, I was still having emotional issues so I really closed my heart off to anyone. Then in 2008 my ex-boyfriend proposed to his girlfriend and when I found out I cried, when I look back at this event now I realized I didn’t cry because I was sad it was because I was relieved and that is when I really started to heal from this break up. I was also struggling with my relationship with God, I wasn’t happy where I was living, I wasn’t happy with my job I just wasn’t happy altogether. I even went on match.com and eharmony.com but then in the end I realized I needed God not a boyfriend. I wanted the perfect relationship to bad but God knows what is best for me. I still struggle with seeing my ex and feeling that I need to look my best around him, this is definitely my top Stress point but I have God to get me through this. Just in the last few months God has really worked on my heart to focus on him and not on looking for a relationship, if I am not happy with my relationship with God then I will never be happy with the guy in my life. I can finally say that I am ok with being single if it gives me more time to focus on God. I love God and he loves me I don’t want a boyfriend right now if isn’t what God wants. I am so thankful that I have come to this point in my life because I feel so much more at peace with knowing I don’t need to be in a relationship like society forces on us. God is my relationship and that is all I need to be happy.
Question #3 – In What ways does dating stress you out? Dating stresses me out, the next guy I date I want him to be the guy I marry. I don’t know if this sounds crazy or not but I want to focus more on my relationship with God and my career and family then worry about dating. I have to be happy being single before I can be happy in a relationship. And the only way I can be happy being single is to build my relationship with God. I am happy with God right now, but I am not completely happy with my job or living situations so I will take it one step at a time. As Sarah said about Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. I truly believe this and I thank God for being in my life.
Jodi! Yes girl. Your thoughts and perspective are awesome. I’m doing a happy dance right now. God has really shown you some amazing stuff! Love it!
Way to go, Jodi! It’s unfortunate that society looks down on single people, like there’s something wrong with us. I’m happy you aren’t feeling that pressure. I don’t think it’s strange at all that you want to focus on your relationship with God, family, and career. I love how you said, “I have to be happy being single before I can be happy in a relationship.” I believe that to be true, too!
-Journal 1 – Identify Yourself – 7/9/12
Question #4 – Describe your Ideal guy (how he treats you, how you relate to each other, what you have in common, his personality, his relationship with the Lord etc) The first world that comes to mind when I think of my ideal guy is Kind. I need someone who is going to balance out my abrasive personality. However, I don’t want him to let me get away with everything or be spineless. I need a guy to make me realize how special he is to me without being conceded. He has to be family oriented and respectful to not only his friends and family but to mine, because my family is a very big part of who I am. He also needs to be respectful of me as well. I want a Godly man but not someone who is arrogant or thinks he is better than everyone else. He has to act Godly both in public and in his personal life. I need a guy who will encourage me and challenge me as well. He should be funny and outgoing but humble enough not to always be the center of attention. He has to like football and if it isn’t the Pittsburgh Steelers forget it, ok just kidding he just ahs to like football. I want a guy who is spontaneous and wouldn’t mind watching a chick flick every once in a while. He has to want children and be a good mentor to his children. When I am upset he has to comfort me instead of criticize me. He needs to be sensitive when it is necessary and firm when necessary. I need a hardworking man that if I wanted to stay home with my kids I could. He has to be affectionate and caring not only to me but to others. I he doesn’t have to be perfect he just has to make me smile. I have waited this long I think I can wait a little bit longer especially if God is preparing my “perfect” guy as I have mentioned above.
Jodi, you used many of the same adjectives that describes my ideal man. Here’s what I wrote for this question:
-how he treats me: loving, affectionate, chivalrous, considerate, respectful
-how we relate to each other: communicate openly
-what we have in common: same religious and political beliefs, similar interests (e.g., way of life, love of art and travel), desire for a family of our own
-his personality: patient, funny, thoughtful, kind, positive/happy, leader
-his relationship with the Lord: puts God first, goes to church, prays, reads the Bible, helps others
LOVE THIS! YeS!
I am going to be very honest in this post and lay my heart out here. I most related to case study #3. As mentioned before my boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years now. He is one of the greatest guys I know and takes really good care of me. He never judges me or criticizes me. He supports me no matter what. We do live together. We moved from Indiana to Arizona over a year ago because he got a job here. I also mentioned earlier how when we first started dating he was against marriage because of what had happebed in the relationship before me. He had commitment issues as well as trust issues. However almost 3 years later he has done a 360. He says he will ask me to marry him but he is just not ready yet. I think deep down he is still afraid. I will continue to pray for him and ask God to help heal him. I believe this is the work god has done in him and is continuing to do. I just have to be patient and wait for His timing.
I totally relate to your story Kristen! We just need to pray for our loving men and pray and follow the Lord <3
Kristen, thank you for being vulnerable. I hope the words in this chapter will lead you to some clarity and tough conversations with the Lord. Keep in mind my friend Rachel’s story. God created marriage to seal the deal–to be a final commitment. When we commit ourselves to a guy and live together, there’s nothing really that keeps them from dragging his side of the commitment out. Oh how I don’t want to step on toes here…
Please know there is no judgement on my part. I’ve just seen this situation time and time again where one person in the relationship (usually the girl) wants to be married, they move in together and then life gets in the way. Before they know it, years have passed by and there is no formal commitment made. I think that there is a space in our heart where God made us to yearn for that perfect union that He calls marriage. I would hate for you to find yourself hurting and lacking because your boyfriend is dragging things out and won’t commit.
Please please please know that I’m saying this out of concern for your sweet heart.
Hugs.
Perhaps I am weak of faith, but the world of dating causes me to question my worth and value at times. I often think, is there something wrong with me? Is God trying to fix something in me? While I think it is good to be open to growth I do not think it is healthy thinking for us ladies to assume that somehow we are less valuable or more broken, which is why we are unmarried. I try to embrace my singleness by doing things that I wouldn’t be able to do if I were married with children. Mission trip to Africa, check! Bought my first car, check! Going to grad school, check! Lots of married woman see us single ladies as having infinite opportunity, and girls it is true! The world is our oyster! Of course I think I would much rather be baking cookies for my hubby and kids, but until then I will utilize my time well. Pastor Steven Furtick did a series this past spring called “the waiting room” in which one sermon’s take-home was “while you are waiting, get to work.” Meaning there are so many beautiful things that God has called us to RIGHT NOW even if they have nothing to do with our long-term dreams.
Sarah! Yes girl, Yes! You are so right. Just because you sweet ladies are not married yet or whatever you want to fill in the blank with, DOES NOT mean you are less valuable or broken. LOVE this declaration, girl. I know the topic this week is dating/marriage/romance, etc. but this can be used for anything…
Just because I didn’t get my “dream” job doesn’t mean I’m not valuable.
Just because your friend ditched you for a better party or a boy doesn’t mean you are not cool.
Just because I totally screwed up and balanced my checkbook totally wrong doesn’t mean I’m an idiot.
Sorry…got on a tangent here. I loved what you said so much and it got me thinking…
Our circumstances DO NOT define us. Jesus DEFINES US. The End. :)
I LOVE this. Thank you for such good words and insights. Awesome.
Sarah, I love that – “Our circumstances DO NOT define us. Jesus DEFINES US.” Yes! Thank you for that great reminder!
~How can you worship your Immanuel in your dating relationships toerday? Whether or not you aren’t dating, how can you look to Immanuel to be your ultimate romancer? (See page 82 of Stress Point.)
For God to be all I need and want. He is with me and loves me . He WANTS to be my ultimate Romancer.
I recieved some very hard news yesterday regarding my dad and him not wanting me as a little girl.. But I am trying to let God love and and be my romancer but it is so hard!
Meg, I can see why this would be so tough. When your heart has been hurt so badly, it is hard to let go of those walls you build around it to protect your heart. Can I suggest something? Take some time in prayer with your journal and write out times where you have seen God show you how much He loves you. Pray that He will bring those things to mind. I bet you will write down things you thought were maybe no big deal at the time, but they were really God saying, MEG! I LOVE YOU!
I’m am single have always been for many reasons … but I long so deeply to find the man God wants for me or at least a godly boyfriend to begin with. All my friends are dating, engaged, married or having kids so I feel weird and left out on that but one of my best Mentors ever Sarah ( yes another , they are the best !:)) who just got engaged in her early 30s to a godly man was a great encouragement. The other day, she reminded me to wait and seek the Lord in prayer and that He wants my best! I love her so much and how much do I love my Lord !
I’m so grateful for your mentor, Sarah! Becca-glad that you have someone in France to speak encouragement and truth to you. Yes!
Thanks , sadly she lives in Texas not in France , but she is the foundor and team Leader for a ministry through something called Hope For Life . She organizes mission trips all over the World every July with her ministry that is called GLOBAL JOURNEY , and she usually comes with a team to my Church , they are here right now but they are leaving soon!:(
BELOW IS THE LINK TO THEIR WEBSITE:
http://globaljourney.org/
I have always been the type I person to completely avoid dating and relationships. I have never had a specific reason other than it never felt right, plus a lot of people have told me me “you don’t have time for a boyfriend right now, focus on yourself.” I have desires like most females of gettin married and have a loving family. Sometimes I get impatient and frustrate especially with so many people getting married.
I am very greatful for resisting the temptations and the pressure of the outside world. Society places “dating” on such a pediastole but there are no values placed with it. I have learned that God has a special person waiting for me and it will only happen in His timing.
For me all of this is new territory. I did not grow up going to church or praying at the dinner table every night. I truly started with my faith about 3 years ago and it has been growing substantially ever since. It has been placed on my heart to enter into a courtship. This is something that I have strongly desired for a couple of years now. Knowing that I want I meet a guy with the same value, I know that I have to place myself in the right environment. More than likely we won’t meet out in regular society. I just pray that God will show me the way into this unfamiliar territory. I pray that I maintain my valuess and carefully evaluate what I am presented with.
It is very encouraging to hear other stories of women who haven’t dated or entered a serious relationship; I don’t feel so alone anymore. I am only 21 but these seemed be rare characteristics for even someone of my age.
You’re definitely not alone, Ashley. I grew up with Christian values, but didn’t attend church or pray at the dinner table. As a child, there were times I would pray, but only occasionally. For the past ten months, I’ve been praying every day, many times throughout the day. This is actually my first Bible study. So, I understand when you said, “knowing that I want I meet a guy with the same values, I know that I have to place myself in the right environment.”
Ashley-girl you are wise beyond your years. This is such a mature-faith-filled way to look at things. I totally support you in this train of thought and full on trust in the Lord. Yes girl!
I just heard of this book today called Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred by Carolyn McCulley.
Here’s the book description: “Through personal anecdotes and careful examination of Scripture, Carolyn McCulley challenges single women to regard their singleness not as a burden, but as a gift from God that allows them to perform a unique role in the body of Christ.”
http://www.amazon.com/Did-Kiss-Marriage-Goodbye-Trusting/dp/1581345798
Has anyone read it?
Bree
No I haven’t read the book but am thinking about getting it!!
It definitely sounds like an encouraging book, Meg. I’m interested in reading it, too.
I have a Book that i actually want to reread it is called I Kissed Dating Goodbye- A New Attitute Toward Romance and relationships by Joshua Harris, Also Lady in Waiting – Becoming Gods best while waiting for Mr. Right by Jackie Kendall (I highly recommend this book) and A Man Worth Waiting for- How to Avoid a Bozo by Jackie Kendall (another great book) going to read these books again
Those sound like great books, Jodi. Thanks for the recommendations.
I just wanted to share that I stumbled this week with not worrying about what other think of me .. My favorite verse is Phil 4:13 and I try to live it out but fear overrides it most of the time this week I am in church and I wa asked to do the verse that goes wih the lesson and I asked the leader if she could fid someone else to do the verse cause I am afraid of what te kids and leaders will think of me that I won’t do the verse right or whatever I have a million reasons as to why. So she has found someone else and I didn’t live out I can do all things who gives me strength.
Meg-IT IS OK, honey. I could give you a million ways I don’t LIVE OUT my faith every day. Don’t focus on it. You are awesome–because your Jesus is awesome. Hugs!
For me the hardest part is keeping a balance of happiness. Sometimes when I get too content with single life ( because I really am very blessed) it turns in to me becoming an ice queen and not able to let the possibility of someone in. Then other times when I’m more open to dating it shifts too far and I become very jealous of my friends who have serious relationships. I have to ask God pretty much daily to help keep me in a good place in the middle of these extremes. I pray for help trusting in God’s sovereignty so I don’t have to worry about it too much.
I wrote more about this here if anyone’s interested:
http://holidayfromreal.com/2012/04/06/evolving-prospective-on-singleness/
Karen
Coming back after all these weeks to share this PDF file about the 25 ways we can pray for our future husband:
http://stayathomedaughter.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/25-ways-printable-PDF.pdf