Raise your hand if this week you’ve been encouraged that, yet again, you are NOT ALONE in your stress over dating and relationships in general?? Me me me me!
I’m seriously loving all of the advice and encouragement that YOU ALL are offering up to EACH OTHER. Isn’t our God so much fun? That we can WORSHIP HIM together and have a neat time doing it?!
I want to introduce you to another one of my awesome mentors, Lynn Cowell. Lynn is the REAL DEAL. She has a heart for young women and speaks with candor covered with the love of Jesus. She will tell you the TRUTH! Love her.
I asked Lynn to share some of her wisdom on dating. Girls…get ready…this is some GOOD STUFF!
Here’s Lynn…
Embarrassed is exactly how I should feel when it comes to my history with guys. When I liked a guy, I didn’t just let it go; watch how things played out. No way! I did whatever it took to get his attention. “Just so happen” to be by when he got off work. “Run into each other” at the ball game. I was the worst! And I didn’t act this way for just a week or so. Nope. The crush that crushed me last seven years. Seven years of chasing someone who wasn’t chasing me.
I sure wish that someone had been up front with me; bold even. If a guy likes you he’ll let you know. If he doesn’t, he’s either not that into you or he has issues with confidence and courage.
Let me be the friend I never had: if he doesn’t like you, face it. Move on. Stop stalking his Facebook. Quit following his tweets. Bypass the Starbuck’s when he works. Don’t look desperate like I did! You’re not desperate. You’re a girl who is madly loved by the king of it all, perfectly and unconditionally. You don’t need a guy to notice you in order to feel valued. There is one who notices you so much the Bible says he knows how many hairs are on your head!
If this guy doesn’t have the courage or confidence to at least talk to you, he needs to get some! You can’t do it for him! You can’t make him notice you or like you.
You don’t want to date a wimp do you? Are you so desperate for a boyfriend you’ll settle for a guy that you have to lead and call all the shots for? Not me.
You know what happened after I stopped chasing him. He grew up. He realized that what he wanted was the type of girl I was…and he came after me. He pursued me; the way it should be. Six weeks later, we were engaged.
Now ask yourself: what type of guy do I want to attract? One who honors and fears God? One who comes after me; is crazy about me?
But it seems there are no guys out there that are man enough, godly enough, to want a godly girl! What’s a girl to do?
You become a magnet.
You become a magnet because if you want to attract this type of guy, you will have to be this type of girl.
Become that magnet by spending time in God’s word; allowing Jesus’ challenges to change you. Live out magnetic characteristics such as love, confidence, and unselfishness. Start a revolution by bringing back things like being classy and acting respectable. A radical girl like that might just get the attention of a radical guy.
Be the magnet God calls you to be and leave the guy thing up to God!
Lynn Cowell is a Proverbs 31 speaker and author of “His Revolutionary Love; Jesus’ Radical Pursuit of You”. She loves the mountains, well-worn sweatshirts and anything that combines chocolate and peanut butter. This summer she’s celebrating 25 years of marriage to the guy she’s been crushing on since 6th grade.
**You can connect with Lynn on Facebook or Twitter, too!
Alright…so…what do you think??? Leave a comment!
Um…YES! To everything you said. So true. I too wasted time chasing after a guy, and you’re right; If he’s not into you, he’s not into you. end of story. Jesus has already planned for us girls to enter into the highest and best relationship, so all we have to do is trust Him without looking to the right or to the left.
Candace, I loved how you said, “all we have to do is trust Him without looking to the right or to the left.” So true!
I absolutely loved everything Lynn said! I find it particularly helpful to realize that if a man is truly interested, he’ll pursue you. If he lacks the confidence and is incapable of expressing his true emotions, than he’ll later be a disappointment in your relationship. Men are to lead, as that’s their role. Additionally, I found her advice on living out “magnetic characteristics” (e.g., love, confidence, unselfishness, classiness, respectability) to be very inspiring.
I too love everything Lynn said and when you said, “I find it particularly helpful to realize that if a man is truly interested, he’ll pursue you. If he lacks the confidence and is incapable of expressing his true emotions, than he’ll later be a disappointment in your relationship. Men are to lead, as that’s their role”–I couldn’t agree more.
HAHA! I have been sitting here laughing because this one hit me right between the eyes. I needed to read this tonight. I’m not “chasing” any one necessarily….but I need to remember that the guy should be chasing ME. If he isn’t right now, then he either isn’t the guy or it isn’t the right time. LOVE THIS! Thanks Lynn!
Wow….up on till 2 months ago I have been chasing a guy for a very long time by texting him on fb,sending him pictures of me, calling him but I did all of these without me knowing I was actually chasing him. I thought I was just been a friend,or been nice. It took a write up like this I saw 2 months ago to make me stop all that I have been doing wrong. This is another eye-opener especially in realising once again that a man have to come after me not the other way round. Thank you so much for this.
Words of young wisdom..don’t ever waste your time doing all of those things..texting, pictures, messages, etc. When I was living in college town, USA I spent too much time chasing after guys that I was really into (for superficial reasons) and who I “thought” were kinda interested in me. It was all just a bunch of games. They really liked flirting with me and I liked it too, but none of them really wanted a committed relationship…which is something I was always looking for.
After I put my heart through the ringer a few times with all that game-playing and moved out of college town, I gave all that chasing to a rest. Eventually I fell in love with my present boyfriend. We were strictly friends for 2 years prior and it just happened to develop into “more”. When that happened, I found myself not having to chase anyone. We both enjoyed talking to each other and loved spending time together..there was nobody else he was talking to and nobody else I was talking to as our friendship grew into a relationship. I knew that I was in love with him and him with me, without any silly text messages or photos.
Not that my relationship is perfect now or that we have rode off into the sunset and got married…but this experience sort of taught me everything I was doing wrong with “chasing” a man. And you know what? I’m pretty sure all those guys who I chased in the past are thinking about me now and what they missed out on, because I know what a strong, respectable, woman I am and set apart from the rest.
P.S. I LOVE Renee Swope’s book “A Confident Heart”..definitely a good read for anyone who’s going through hard times in regards to dating, guys, relationships, etc.!!
Ashley! Yes, thank you for sharing this. I couldn’t agree more.:)
Wow wow wow wow wow!!!! Exactly what I needed to hear TODAY! For such a time as this. Thank you!
Hey friends, I am so glad that this post is being helpful. I think because we are a combination sometimes of nurturers and a bit insecure at times, it can create in us a swirling emotion that causes us to panic. We think we have to do something. We do…trust God and become incrediably attractive, overflowing with the fruits of His life in us!
Keep running hard after Jesus…look at Him. If after awhile, you look beside you and find another godly guy running just as hard too….well then maybe it’s a God thing!
I’d love to have you friend me on Facebook at Lynn Martin Cowell or follow me on Twitter at Lynn Cowell. I’ll see you there!
Thank you Lynn for sharing! I have never dated or been asked out on a date. But my goal is to be real careful when I do fine that someone. I want him to Love te Lord and serve him. Thanks again for sharing!!
Thank you so much Lynn for this! This is just what I needed to hear!! I loved how you said to be a magnet! That is so true! I have never thought about it like that before! Thank you again!
Lynn~ This definitely hit home. I haven’t “chased” a guy in a while but I look back at my younger years and question what the heck I was thinking in doing the chasing. I do believe insecurity drove me at times and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I decided to stop the chasing and let God guide me in all aspects of my life.
Great interview! I chased a guy for four years before realizing that I am worth more than that. He’s a great guy–and so cute!–but not the guy for me.
Ok I am going to get honest here I am crying because the gal I take Care of she is 22 and is all into boys and every time she comes to my house she is either wanting to call a guy or go hangout with them and all she does us talk about boys.. It’s really hurtful for me because I haven’t even been asked out on a date. ( she ha had a few boyfriends) . Prayers would be appreciated.
Meg, you and I are about the same age. I too have never been asked out on a date. Earlier this week, I acknowledged that I’m not stressed about dating and marriage. The reason I’m not stressed is that I trust God and refuse to compare myself to others. My friends from high school are all married with children. I have a younger cousin that’s been married for five years and she has two kids. I’m happy for them. Their lives aren’t more complete just because they’re in a different stage of their lives. It’s just that’s what they’re meant to be doing right now. You and I are meant to be doing something else. Consider this an opportunity to learn new things and grow. Marriage and relationships are hard work. Our married friends have certain issues that they have to handle, such as tending to a crying baby in the middle of night, wanting to take a nap but needing to make dinner for their families, etc. In order to be happy when in a relationship, you first need to be happy with yourself when you’re single. I pray that you place your anxieties in God’s hands and wait for his timing. Hugs to you!
Meg–I hear you honey. Bree!! Thank you for this. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Yes to everything! Yes–so true. Thank you for adding your wise wise words.
Bree
Thank you for your kind word. Thereason it us do hard for me is because she is my client I take care of her 3 days a wek an boys are all I hear about so by Thursday I am pretty frustrate.
You’re welcome, Meg. If I was in your position, I would focus on caring for her. Since the two of you are close in age, she probably also sees you as friend. I don’t think she’s purposely trying to cause you pain. That book I mentioned the other day – Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred – sounds like an excellent book. Also, take a look at the inspiring blog http://oursinglepurpose.com.
Bree,
Again thank you.. Yes she does consider me a friends she actually calls me her bff which i nice that she considers me a friend. The rest of the afternoon went well with her. I just need to pray for her and I’s tme together and for my future husband!
Sounds like an awesome idea, Meg. So glad to hear you had a nice afternoon.
I think you are so right about this Bree. Life happens at different times for everyone. I’m 25 and I see everyone getting married and having babies..something I’ve known that I have wanted for a very long time. The jealousy and envy strikes me, but then I take a moment to realize that I must focus on God and know that He will play it all out for me. Recently a coworker told me about a family wedding he went to for his (great) aunt..she was in her 80s or 90s and was getting married for the very first time in her life. WOW! All the years prior to that she had devoted her time to God. And we thinking WE are waiting a long time…?
Such an inspiring story, Ashley H! Your coworker’s great-aunt spent those years not being upset, but living it out in God’s word. Sarah, I have to say, I LOVE the name of your blog. I’m learning the importance of doing that every day.
Bree–you are going to make me cry! It’s been my hope for so long that my girlfriends reading the blog would really GET the concept of LIVE IT OUT! yayayayayay!
Sarah, thank you for helping us see the importance that we LIVE IT OUT! every day. I’m loving this study so much! :D
YES! I love how Lynn punches us in the face with honesty and all kinds of good stuff!! :)
Yep. There was a guy I was chasing, and if this makes sense, I felt like I was STILL chasing him after we started dating. It wasn’t a godly relationship and I did anything including changing myself and who I really was just to get/keep his attention and keep him around. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and smack some Jesus-loving sense into the younger me!
I love how everyone shares there hearts and wisdom from what God has shown them. Thank-you all for sharing; it’s encouraging for me to read what you write. Thank-you, Sarah, for writing Stress Point and doing this Bible study.
JacyDiAnne, I’m super blessed that you are joining in on the study! It was such a thrill to write Stress Point with you girls in mind and then actually be able to converse with you all online!!! God is so good!