Welcome to Stress Point week 6: Friends and Family. Whew! This chapter could go on and on yet we just can’t cover it all. I hope that this will be a starting point for you as you navigate your 20’s and the new dynamic of adulthood surrounding friendship and family relationships.
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
The Real (Video Blog)
The Raw (Discussion Questions)
~Do you identify with any of the girlfriend case studies? If not exactly, how might the situations reflect, in part, on your own stress over friends and family?
~On page 128 of Stress Point I talk about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. when it comes to the dynamic of family. Now that we are adults, it is time for us to own our personal responsibility in your family drama. Are you tracking with me on this concept? If so, how can you alleviate family drama with respect of your parents?
~In discussing friendships, I brought up the topic of being a low-maintence friend. What are your thoughts on this? (See Stress Point page 138. Here’s how I define “low-maintenance friendships:”
A friend who seeks to love and cherish her girlfriends without adding any unnecessary pressure or expectations to the relationship. This type of friend is ready and willing to get in the trenches of life with us; she is full of encouragement and advice, yet she also gives us space if that’s what we need. If you desire to be this type of friend because you long for low-maintenance friends yourself, I propose you first place your focus on your Eternal King.
The Relevant (Bible Study Discussion Questions)
~On page 127 I introduce the name of God, Eternal King. He is our King that will be with us through thick and thin, through drama and stress–everlasting Father. What are your thoughts on how this characteristic of God relates to our topic of friends and family stress?
Flip to Journal 3 on page 136. I’ve listed several Scriptures that use the word everlasting or eternal in reference to God. (example: Hebrews 13:8) Take some time to write out for yourself how these verses speak to you regarding God as your Eternal King.
Share your thoughts on friendship drama, family drama and anything else that arises in your heart around this chapter of Stress Point!
I just finished reading this chapter and I LOVED it! I wanted to come on and post initial thoughts as I have not yet journaled through the whole chapter yet. I long to be a low-maintenance friend! I also long to have Jesus as my friend! I want to learn how to go to.Him first and foremost and not rely so much on my eartly friends and family. This way I can learn to be a better daughter, girlfriend, granddaughter and friend. I am new on this journey with jesus but i am looking forwars to what is to come. i am also looking forward to all of your thoughts on this chapter so that i can learn from each of you!
Kristen-I love how you said you long to have Jesus as your friend. Yes! Awesome!
My walk with Jesus is relatively new. When I first read that we should look to Him as our Eternal King first and friend second, I was a little surprised. It hadn’t occurred to me that He is our friend. It makes sense, though. As Hebrews 13:8 states, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” He is constant and always with us. By turning to Him first, instead of family and friends, our lives will be more fulfilling. He accepts us and offers love, peace, joy, guidance, and encouragement. Consequently, as we welcome all these qualities in our lives, we can then reflect them in our own relationships and be a low-maintenance friend. I love this!
Great stuff, Bree!
~Do you identify with any of the girlfriend case studies? If not exactly, how might the situations reflect, in part, on your own stress over friends and family?
Yes, number 3 When I was in a friendship a couple of months ago it has ended now but i was having a hard time giving her 100 percent.. she said that she was there for me but i wasnt there for her and the drama was so intense i couldnt stand it!! It made me so depressed that all i wanted to do was commit suicide.
This frienship has ended and i am not happy about the way it ended but i think it was for the best..
Meg–honey—NO ONE should ever have that kind of effect on you. I’m so very glad that you are not in that friendship any longer.
Since ive been a Jesus girl my desire is to be.able to have girl friends that also believe in.god and its been incredibly hard to find faithful friends my old friends are now not my friends since.there completely doi.g the opposite things in their life they laughed because I told them ive been church and how know I see.things differently honestly I always.pray to God that if he could please introduce me to godly holy and faithful new.friends to hang out with. Thankfully he lead me to this PG for a reason to learn about dating relationships & how to deal with.stress.thank you Sarah for your weekly support :-) God bless you
So glad this blog is encouraging to you!
I have a prayer request…. I leave for Alaska a week from this saturday and i have been having alot of pain on my left side i think it is my jaw… I am on the highest dose of Ibuprophen you can take and i take it every 6 hours. I was also told it would be wise to get my wisdom teeth taken out and no one takes my insurance I have called around the state! I am going to try and get a voucher today but now the trick is to find someone who will take the voucher! I know this wont all be resolved before I go but pray the pain is subside while i am there! THank you!
Oh wow, Meg! Yes. Praying!!
Father God, You know Meg’s pain and You know the situation. You are in control and we trust You. Help Meg resolve this issues so she can go and do Your Kingdom work in Alaska. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!
Meg I have added you to my pray list,
Alaska??!! How cool! Praying for you now, Meg!
thank you ladies!
The topic of relationships, with both friends and family, is so complex and unique to each individual. I suppose I most identify with Kelly and enjoy my low-maintenance friends. I, like most girls, HATE when others are mad at me. I think this is one of my biggest downfalls in relationships. I respect others and want to be a good friend. I have learned through time that I am a nice friend, honest, and quick to apologize, so if a friend is being high maintenance and is mad at me, it is NOT worth it. So I let the relationship go. I think when you are a low-maintenance friend, you attract low-maintenance and healthy relationships. I have different friends I talk to about different areas of stress in my life, but only after I talk to God. If it feels like I am stuck on an area and need an outside perspective or guidance, I don’t hesitate to ask and know that my friends do the same for me. Sometimes I feel a little needy, and sometimes I feel incredibly independent. I think that is part of the seasons of life and growth.
I enjoy my Christian and non-Christian friends, and think they each bring enrichment to my life. Don’t be scared of non-Christians! Some of my best friends weren’t “text book Christian” but they have other life experience, personalities, and passions that help me to see new aspects of God’s character and love for ALL His children. My friends know I am a Christian and know they can talk to me about anything without judgement. They know where I stand scripturally, but they also know how great my desire is to love. I think when we are truly living out the Kingship of Christ, we don’t have to be evangelizing on ever corner. Our friends know our hearts, and they will know our King through that.
I also loved the quote about friends: ”The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” I see this more and more each day as my friends and I go on our own journeys. Each is special and beautiful to her. When we have faith that our God our ETERNAL friend, we allow our friends room to grow and change in different ways. There is no pressure, and the friendship is light, yet deep. I love it!
Sarah! Right on, girl! I loved what you said about not being afraid of “non-Christian” friends. Yes!!! As long as we don’t let ourselves get caught up in things that might distract us from our focus on Jesus, there’s much fun to be had with all kinds of friends!
I did not grow up in a “normal” family (whatever that is…one that I don’t personally view as “normal”).
Sarah, I wish my sister and I were as close as you and Hannah! I can’t even remember when my sister and I had a real conversation last. We’re very different. Decisions she has made/still choose to make and things she has done to me has made us drift apart (not that we were ever really close to begin with). I’m not blaming it all on her, though – having a relationship is a two-way street. I know I need to move on and forgive her like Christ forgives me, but I’m finding it hard to forgive someone that has never apologized and isn’t making an effort to change things.
“Low-maintenance friend”…I’m so glad to finally have a name for mine and my best friend’s friendship. We’re both at different stages in life – she’s the one that seems to have it all together and I feel like a bit of a mess, but I totally love our “low-maintenance friendship.” We understand that both of us is busy and doing our own thing and we can pick up/catch up right where we left off. We grew up together so she knows all my junk (or most of it) and we’ve always went to the same church so I feel confident in turning to her when I need some Biblical advice!
However, I volunteer on political campaigns so my Christian principles reflect my political beliefs also. I’m not ashamed of my beliefs/stance on political issues so I’ve lost “friends” just for expressing my opinion (from a Christian perspective) on a political issue and for voting a certain way on a “hot topic” that was recently voted on here in NC.
I’m transferring colleges in a few weeks so I may be leaving my comfort bubble for a new start: new city, new friends, new opportunities, but God the Eternal King is still the same! Sure, this new adventure is only 2-hours away from my family, friends, and everything I’ve ever known, but for me that “2-hrs.” feels like it’s going to be in a whole different state! I’m going to be relying on my Eternal King more than ever and practicing my make new “low-maintenance friends” skills!
Jessica! I think you will have an awesome experience during your transition for the very reason that you are putting your focus first on your Eternal King. Can’t wait to see what adventures that God has for you during this next year!
Almost three years ago I moved from Pennsylvania (by way of Denver) to Oklahoma, for the last 11 years I have had the three most amazing friends, which now I realize I may have relied on them to much because now I struggle to make friends, and after the few years I’ve spent in Oklahoma have found that I don’t really have any girlfriends I can turn to just yet, I love my girls and we have bi-weekly-monthly Hang-time chats for all of us to catch up, and it can be months but when we are all talking it feels like it may have been only hours since we last talked.
Now without having people in my same time zone, or a door I can just go knock on, I’ve found myself leaning towards God for that friendship, and asking Him to provide the right people in my life, the ones that will help to keep me on track and that will encourage me on my walk with Him and to be closer to Him. I know I’ve struggled with connecting with people and with God, but my hope is to say that Jesus is my best friend and that I will turn to Him first in every situation.
Praying for you now Elle, I cant imagine moving away from friends and family maybe i am too dependant on them i am not sure but it defiently would make me anxious! But am glad you are leaning on the Lord!!
Elle! Yes==this is a great chance to grow even closer to God and let Him be your best friend! Hugs!
I relate to Sarah Case study in, my sister is my BFF, it took me a while to realize it. I thank God so much that he gave me a sister, I couldn’t imagine my life without her. When we were little we fought all the time, then 10 years ago she got married and moved away and that is when we started to grow closer. We talk about anything and everything, we encourage and pray for each other. We always have so much fun when we are together.
Awesome!
Wow Sarah , I just needed to hear that as many of my friends are in the States , mostly TX. I don’t see them often so when they do come to France I’m so excited I get my expectations way too high.Rachel one of my closest friends and other friends are here as a summer mission team and I thought we would get to do tons of things together , but being so busy we’re in the same room but don’t really have time to catch up wihch is hard on me right now. I will always remember what my friend Rachel said when I told her her presence was very calming and peaceful to me , she said somethiing like :” thank you , I’m glad i can help , but always remember Jesus can give a way better peace than I can” I know God gives ultimate peace but it’s always great to have my friend’s calm spirit when she’s around and I love how our love for God makes our friendship stronger!:)I just thank God for my friends and for your amazing wisdom Sarah!
Good stuff Becca!
Thanks Sarah well I have a Great God and amazing friends that love Him !:)
~In discussing friendships, I brought up the topic of being a low-maintence friend. What are your thoughts on this? (See Stress Point page 138. Here’s how I define “low-maintenance friendships:”
I want to be a low maintainance friend and have low maintanaince friends….. although I am working on being a low maintainance friend I have had many expectations for my friends but am getting better and learning not to set expectations on them.
You mention in the video Sarah about always the one who calls or initiates and I am that friend and about a month ago I was getting very frusterated cause i felt like if i wanted to do anything with any of my friend I had to call or get in touch cause i knew they wouldnt do it… I have learned that all of my friends are different and are in differeent stages in life and some of my friends HATE talking on the phone which is HARD for me cause I love talking on the phone.
So I have come to the conclusion and have some peace about me having to do all the initiating. I have learned its just the way it is. THE END!
Meg! yes girl! I wish I had learned this sooner myself. Good stuff!
. What are your thoughts on how this characteristic of God relates to our topic of friends and family stress?
To Remeber that during these times our Eternal God is with us and will help us through and he wont give up on us or leave us hanging!! We just need to ask!
Sometimes it is as simple as just asking, right? yes!
Thank you for the reminder, Meg. I needed to hear this today!
I have another prayer request one I my immediatefamily members has Colin cancer please pray for our family thank you!!
Yes! Praying now!
Will pray as well!
I just wanted to share some thoughts on Friendship/family drama.. It is so hard expecially with family.. and my family is not saved. my mom has even thrown my “religion” back at me which i didnt like at all and felt guilty. I feel like I am not strong enough in the Lord yet to fight for myself when it comes to things like this.. Like laughing at a cruel mean joke.. when i am the only one not laughing or sometimes i do laugh just so i dont feel “out of the picture” I have a hard time repecting my mom cause she isnt a Chrisitan…..
Friendship drama is hard too… expecially when you want to be friends with them and they say they are “Christians” but dont live like it at all.. I saw sooooo many Red FLags but never did anything about it… I did try to talk to her but she didnt want to listen.. I want to grow in the Lord and it was obvious she doesnt. Like i said above it made me want to commit suicide. So PLEASE be careful and when you see red flags do something about it.. Its not worth it to be sad and want to commit suicide! or be stressed all the time!