I thought I’d take a few minutes to speak to moms, grandmas or aunts of 20-somethings. Here is just a tad bit of insight into what your 20-something wants you to know….
Also, stay tuned to the end of the video. There’s a giveaway!
Leave a comment with an answer to this question:
~If you are a mom, grandma, aunt or family member of a 20-something what is your biggest challenge to developing and maintaining a great relationship with her?
~If you are a 20-something who wants her family to know that YOU STILL NEED THEM, send them the link to this blog post. Then come back and comment to be entered into the giveaway!
Giveaway Prize pack: P31 Woman magazine, CD: Giles Blankenship AND a copy of my book Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties In A Decade of Drama.
I will pick a random winner from the comments next Wednesday!
Find out more about the Proverbs 31 Ministries magazine HERE.
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
I just started getting pro 31 magazine and i was able to read your article!! Good Stuff!!
Sent a link the fam- Want them to know that although yes I may be a 20 something, and married and about to have a child of our own, I DO still need them and to be able to learn and glean from their knowledge and experiences-ESPECIALLY during this very new and soon to be transition in our lives to parenthood……..
As a mom of older teenagers there were some great points I picked up from this video. Thanks!
biggest challenge to developing and maintaining a great relationship with her?
being the ‘mom in law’ !!
always seems a gap between us . definitely differences in maturity and life experiences contribute to it. but she is loved and i’d love her to know that…
As a mom to 3, (22, 20 & 18)…I’m trying really hard to navigate the waters carefully. While I know they all need their dad & me…we want to give them the space to stretch and fly high for Christ. The world is begging them to follow and be just like everybody else. So, my guidance continues even though they are old enough to do just that. My biggest challenge would have to be seeing them face hurt from friends/dating relationships. I want to advise, but not but in and hurt any party involved.
Love your sweet encouragement.
Glad to know–they need us & want us to be there. Even if they act like otherwise.
Thank you so much for this information on 20 somethings. I have a 20 year old daughter and a 23 year old daughter plus a 26 year old son. I am so happy to hear teachings on this, as I thought I was the only one with issues of this age group. I appreciate you and thank you again for including me in your teachings.
God Bless, Terrie
I just emailed this to all of my youth parents :D. Great message Sarah! How’s that Starbucks Refresher holding up? ;)
Oh, and I encouraged them to talk about it together as a family :D.
Thank you, Heather!
Love watching your video blogs , so informative. As a 28yr old mother of 2 children I still need my parents and talk to them daily!
Parents of 20-somethings need all the good, Godly guidance they can possibly get. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Isn’t it ironic that we grow up trying to escape the wisdom of our parents only the end up learning down the road how much that wisdom is really worth. As a teenager I couldn’t wait to grow up and not have to care what my parents said or thought. Now as a woman in her mid-twenties, I seek out my mother’s wise words and have finally grasped their value. Now if only I could go back in time and fill my younger-self in on this bit of knowledge I’ve gained ;)
Emily! I totally agree!
My 22 yr old daughter asked me to get this book for her. It would be awesome to win it so I can use the money I am trying to save to take her to lunch and give her the book. I only wish something like this had been out when I was trying to work with my now 33 year old. Thank you for a wonderful book
Thanks for this great message, I am 36 but my sister is 26 and this is going to be a great book for me to give her for Christmas this year~! I think I’ll read it first though and just try not to bend the pages… :-)
I love spending time talking with my 20 year old daughter. She is full of insight for me as well. I am so proud of her and yes, sometimes she acts like I am out of touch with her generation. Overall though I see in her actions that she heeds my advice and shares her knowledge with other young ladies her age. That’s how I know she is listening.
Wow, I was just speaking to someone about the challenges to being a mom to a college grad, living back at home and , who is trying to find herself in this world. The challenge is trying to communicate with her at a level that she can “hear” my heart, my love and my real motives on how I want to help her succeed in life. It breaks my heart how challenging it is for us to communicate.
Silvia, I say hang tight. This lack of communication is probably just a phase. If you continue to do what you do, by making your self available to her, one day she will come to see that her mom is really very wise! :)
I have 21 year old twins, both still at home. It is very hard to live in a home with 4 adults, 2 of whom think that they should be able to do what they want. I think the hardest thing is helping them to see that their dad and I have been thru a lot of what they are going thru, and so we may just have a little bit of wisdom and insight. Thanks!
I have two amazing daughters who are 24 and 26. I’m crazy about them!! They are living together and working in Washington D.C. Although they are opposites, the three of us are super close.
The biggest challenge for me in this season of parenting is knowing when to speak and when to remain silent. i pray for discernment and try to listen to God and listen to them.
I also have a breath prayer that is helpful.
Breathe in: “Abba Father”
Breathe out: “Do what only you can do…encourage, convict, guide, comfort…”
The other key for me in this season is just being available.
Yes!
I have two daughters 20 and 24 and of course they still need guidance and direction. Plus I can also learn a lot from them too. Love them 2 death. Thanks for your blobs!
I am the aunt of a 20 year old who has strayed. I make “dates” with her & let her know I am not there to fix her but to love no matter what. I don’t agree with her lifestyle but it doesn’t lessen my love for her. She made a decision for Christ at a young age so there is a battle within! Your words were encouraging.
I love everything you said, Kathy. I know at some point you will have an opportunity to pour some hard Truth (bathed in love) into her life because you have invested in the relationship. Good stuff!
What an answer to my prayers!
Sharing some struggles with a dear friend she stated “there does not seem to be any type of help books for the late teens into the twenties!”
You can find 1,000 of books, dvds, blogs, websites on topics such as birth, breastfeeding, todller tantrums & potty training, strong willed, home schooling …. ON & ON! But where is help for me, a mom of young adult children?
God has been faithful, kind and oh so forgiving. For this I am forever grateful. Although this concern, well it seems to me, to be a silent epidemic. (sigh)
Thank you for opening a door of conversation. Although my children’s roots are well grounded in God, family & faith their growth is being challenged by making poor choices.
Debra, I totally hear ya. That’s why I wrote Stress Point. I even had parents of 20s in mind so I can be a resource!
Hugs!
For me, the biggest challenge is to still “parent” and guide while not overstepping.
Help, I have a 24 year old daughter that lost her father 4 1/2 years ago and I don’t think I have been able to help her with her grief because of grieving myself. She has always been daddy’s girl and it has made it hard for me to know how to help her get through this. She keeps everything to her self and when I try to talk she is unresponsive. She graduated from college and has had to move back home due to her job situation which adds to the stress. She was save at a young age but has become very worldly in her behavior and activities and even though I try to set a good example I feel as though she is drifting away from family and God. Any advice would be appreciated.
Linda, I’m so very sorry about your loss. I think you are doing all the right things, by just being there. What if you set up a “girl’s night” where you all just hung out and did fun things together? Think of little ways you can be in her life to get the door open, even if that door is just slightly open. I love what Ro commented below. Hope this helps!
I love your comment about letting us prayerfully make our own decisions. I struggle a lot with telling my family that I am old enough to make my own decisions.
In response to Linda M: I can relate somewhat to your situation. I thank God that I can help you and provide some insight. I too recently finished college and had to come home. I am also unemployed. I don’t know exactly what your daughter is doing so I can’t not compare my behavior to hers. My father died when I sixteen and to be honest I did not know how to deal with the pain. The strongest feeling I felt was abandonment. I believed no one cared for me(although many did) and that in some way I had lost the one man in my life who was supposed to love and protect me.Loneliness(I constantly struggle with this emotion) seeped in like sunlight. During that time I always felt that something was missing. I had a big void in my heart that I didn’t know how to fill. Most of all I was depressed. Sometimes when you are depressed you keep it to yourself. In my opinion depression is like an unspoken secret that you don’t want to tell anyone about, but secrets like depression can kill you spiritually, mentally, and physically. Being unemployed when you know that you should be because you have done everyting to make yourself employable sucks and it hurts. It hurts to see all of the work you put into a degree become useless. You also begin to feel like you wasted your time and made the wrong decision to attend college. For me I feel like a little part of me dies inside when another bill comes in that I can not afford to pay. When I was a little girl I dreamed of being independant and now as an unemployed college graduate I feel like I fell short. Not being able to afford things like hair and nail appointments hurt. I would suggest you help her to find a non-profit in her field to volunteer with. Sometimes helping others and doing what you love can dull the pain. I am 23 now and my advice to you is to praise her for every little thing she does that is right. If she washes the dishes tell her how you appreciate that she tries to keep things clean. Tell her all the good things you like about her. You could say “Sweetheart you are really good at talking to new people, you would probably be really good at Public Relations”. Notice her accomplishments and recognize her dreams. Ask her what she wants to do and how she plans to get there. If she wants to be a musician you could invite her to a jazz festival. Make opportunities to be with her and let her know that you want to be in her life. Lastly, listen to her. My mother and I struggle with this. Sometimes she is so busy trying to tell me what I should be doing that she is not listening to what I want to do. If you disagree with her choices that is fine, tell her why you disagree and how it makes you feel, but leave it at that. If you don’t like her choices pray for her. Life will be a lot easier when you pray that God changes her instead of you because he is the only one who has the power to. I pray that your daughter finds peace and satisfaction with God’s plan for her life at the moment.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this Ro! Good stuff!
I have 2 daughters in their early 20’s, one is in the working world and one is off to school this August, but they both live at home. I want more than anything for them to experience life to the fullest and go after what they dream of, but when they are living at home they have to respect the rules of our household. Like being home at a certain time, letting us know if they aren’t coming home, ???? My husband and I have had good talks and we have bathed the situation in prayer, but what I would like to know is how do you tell them that if they want to be free of all accountability from their parents that they have to move out on their own, without them feeling like you’re kicking them out? What is it that these 20 year old’s want their parents to do?
Dawn, it sounds like your daughters have some awesome parents. In my opinion, I think you do exactly what you said in your comment. You have a good, loving conversation with them that says if they want to be free of accountability, they need to figure out how to move out. Plain and simple. I would have conversations with them about how to save their money for an apartment deposit, how to figure out their budget, etc. This sets them up for success when the time comes that they do move out. Hope this helps. :)
i’ve been thinking about your question and remembered this post that might be encouraging.
http://awakemysoulblog.com/2012/05/23/a-letter-to-my-daughters-about-today/.
I really need to read this book. I will be 21 in February and I am having an extremely hard time living at home. I don’t know if any of you could help me a little with this, but it is worth a shot. My parents have been abusive in different forms for many years. I am in counseling to deal with this, but how am I supposed to respect them and try to build a relationship with them when they have no respect for me?
Oh Marissa, girl. You are right, it would be so tough to respect parents that don’t respect you. Cling tight to your Jesus. Know that HE loves you and cherishes you more than anything else in the world. I pray that the counseling will help you figure out your next step in life. I encourage you to pray every day for strength and guidance from God. He is faithful and He will help you, especially when you put your full on focus on Him.
Hugs!
I have 3 daughters in their 20’s. One is 27, married and has 4 small children; the other girls are twins that are 23. One is recently married and the other is in her first job related to her degree. Each girl needs a different amount of attention and a different type. It can be tricky. What is okay to say to one is not okay with another. The type of communication they want has also changed as they move through their 20’s.
I love them all and am glad that we are currently at a good place in our communication. I’m very blessed that they have all chosen to follow Christ and search out their own church homes.
I have overreacted sometimes and pulled too far away. For example, one of my daughters once got very angry with me for calling her while she was napping during the day. I hesitated to call her at all any more and then she was hurt that I didn’t call. I have really enjoyed e-mail and facebook because they can look at that when it’s convenient for them.