One Sister to Another Part 1

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This is part one of a series of ideas I want to share from my PAST experience. I’m a girlfriend who wants to share so that you, my friends, might learn from me rather than deal with the heartache yourself. {disclaimer: I haven’t dated in years. In His beautiful mercy, God brought an amazing man into my life to be my husband. But…BUT…it wasn’t until after I dealt with the woes written below that I was able to see that there are great, godly men out there. So hold tight, sister…}




Most of us have seen the recent movie, He’s Just Not That Into You. I reluctantly rented this chick flick as I was not too crazy to be reminded of the many guys I dated in the past who well…were just not that into me. You know the situation. You meet a guy while out with your friends and you both connect over your common obsession of the television show, 24. I mean, who wouldn’t want to connect with a guy who not only resembles Jack Bauer, but also has that low-toned, mysterious growly voice like Jack, too. You give him your number and part ways hopeful that this guy will be THE ONE.




And you wait. And wait. And wait.


Oh the dating games women play.




I most identified with Gigi from He’s Just Not That Into You. There is a scene where Gigi analyzes a recent conversation she had with a guy she met the Friday night before. Her co-worker supports her by paying attention to every minute detail of every word the guy said before the night was over. Then, they both decide to skip the rule of waiting for the guy to call her. Gigi sets out to construct a perfect “follow up” phone call. The scene is quite comical as Gigi, armed with her script, picks up the phone with a nervous grin on her face only to find the call went straight to voicemail. She quickly improvises (she did not write a script for a voicemail call) and flubbs up the whole thing. After watching this scene, I was tempted to pause the movie and go raid the fridge for some comfort food consisting of an entire quart of Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. You see, I totally saw myself in Gigi and no amount of ice cream could erase the many moments of angst I experienced while dating in the past.




Later on in the movie Gigi tells her girlfriend, “We are all programmed to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk that means he likes you.”


Games. Games. Games. They drive us crazy.




Now, before this turns into a man bashing session, let me just say that women are just as guilty of this insanity. You can’t tell me that you have never played “hard to get” or flirted with a guy you weren’t interested in just for the fun and attention. Yes, ladies, we too have perpetuated this standard of dating. But, I hope you will allow me to make a statement as a girl who has been there, done that, and got the not so cute t-shirt. Life is too short to get caught up in the anxiety of “will he call?” or “does he really love me?” There are other things we can do with our time rather than obsessively checking our cell phone to make sure we didn’t miss THE CALL. Trust me, years ago I wasted countless hours of my life in this very scenario. Can I share a few pointers that I learned along the way?



**If he really likes you, he will pursue you.

**If he really likes you, he will be interested in what you like and want to get to know you.

**If he really likes you he will RESPECT you.




Here is the big one….


**If he plays games…It is time to move on.




I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth, my sweet sister. Hold out for the guy who treats you like the princess you are. This may mean that you are with out a date on Saturday night for a while. But, here is a truth that I want you to cling to when you feel depressed about your love life: The King is enthralled with your beauty! Psalm 45:11 NIV



The King, Jesus, pursues you.


The King, Jesus, loves you with a fiery passion.


The King, Jesus, will not play games or toy with your heart.


God gives us a template of what our dating and future married life should look like. He doesn’t want you to be riddled with anxiety. He hurts when your heart is trampled on. And, He will encourage you not to settle for anything less than a man who respects and cares for you.



He-Jesus- is just that into you.


So lets encourage each other. If you’re a single sister, share your thoughts. If you’re not a single sister, share some “words of wisdom.”


***My girlfriend Angie wrote a post on this very same movie. Check it out.



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Do you ever feel kind of frumpy when you go shopping? I totally do. Regardless of the cute outfit I already have on, I always feel wrinkled and worn compared to the pristine articles of clothing that are nicely pressed and displayed in the best of lighting at my favorite retail stores.

Just like my old clothing that I long to trade with new, fabulous finds at the LOFT, there are old and frumpy memories and thought processes that I long to trade away now that I am set and secure in Jesus.

It all starts in the mind for me. I can twist and turn old memories of mistakes I’ve made into torment. The crazy thing is, I know those stupid things I’ve done in the past are long gone and forgiven. Yet, the torment continues and they run through my mind over and over again as if I have hit repeat on a really bad song on my iPod.

So here is what God gave me to replace those thoughts:

Ephesians 4:22-24 (New International Version)

22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.



I love the words: PUT ON. It takes me back to the original analogy of shopping {smiles}. God lays out this new clothing of holiness and righteousness like those oh so cute cardigans I saw in the LOFT the other day-pressed and folded nicely. They are there for the taking, but we have to do our part and actually PUT THEM ON. In order to put on the new self, we must first literally take off the old frumpy memories and mistakes. Then the fun begins…



As you are putting on your new attitude; your new, shiny thoughts, see if this mental picture doesn’t help.



You know the little shimmy you do as your slipping into a sundress? Or what about the squat to stretch out the newly-out-of-the-dryer blue jeans? That is what I visualize when I PUT ON the righteousness and holiness that Ephesians promises me. Somehow that mental image snaps me back out of the old and frumpy and into the new and shiny. But, I have to continually PUT IT ON for my mind is my worst enemy.



So, I’ve decided to run with this thought process and see where it takes me. I know that the promises in the Bible are powerful and applicable and I will stand on what I know: Christ gave me a beautiful wardrobe of fresh/new memories and thoughts to run through my mind when He died on the cross for me {and you}. I’m going to take those old, frumpy ones and lay them at His feet.


How about you?

Just Show Up and Get Naked

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This week I feel like I bore my soul for the entire world to see; I even feel a bit naked. My inspirational entry runs on She Seeks which gets down to the dirty details of where my faith was about two months ago. For someone who puts herself out there as encouraging others to LIVE OUT their faith, it is not fun to admit that I too have had times of Blah faith.

But I hope that in my vulnerability, someone else might be free to touch base with her own Blah faith and take steps to do something about it. If one small iota of what I wrote encourages someone else, then every ounce of discomfort I felt while typing my blah faith woes is paid back in rejoicing.
Lest you think that I am fishing for compliments on my writing style or that I am begging for affirmation, please hear me on this. Ministry can only be affective and effective if we are willing to reveal glimpses of the dark spots in our soul. Whether we are writing weekly blogs of encouragement, organizing clothing at the local homeless shelter or taking the youth group for ice cream, serving others must start with relationship. Them relating to us and us relating to them.
What better way to build relationship than to open up and share your story? Pull back the veil that conceals your human-ness. And, dare I say, get a little bit naked.