Ok, so I am going to spill my guts here so get ready. Most of you all who know me will know that I don’t usually put on pretenses and that I pretty much wear my heart on my sleeve. This is a good thing and a bad thing-I just can’t keep my emotions pent up. Also, I want others to know that they aren’t alone if they are experiencing the same things!
Gut spill # 1:Being a mom is HARD-there, I said it. I was in such denial about this issue before the baby came but it has now hit me smack dab in the forehead. Please don’t get me wrong-I dearly love my Grayson, but this is really really hard!!
Gut spill #2: I am not usually a fearful person but I am so afraid these days that I won’t be able to handle the pressures of being a mommy. I feel like I am just inches away from losing it. But, when I am just on the brink of going bonkers, the Lord blesses me and reminds me of His almighty love and power.
Gut spill #3: This one is absolutely crazy and not true at all. But it goes to show how much Satan can lie to us and send us down the wrong road. On top of the fear listed above, I am so afraid of going at this mommy thing alone. Like I said-totally nuts. Why? Because, first of all, I have an amazing husband who loves and supports me and does diaper duty in the middle of the night!!
Today the Lord has shown me why all of this fear is deception from the enemy. I have been blessed in so many different ways today that I am renewed in my spirit and able to handle some major baby meltdowns and seriously dirty diapers!
The biggest blessing today was an email from my Mom. She wrote the most beautiful thoughts and I want to share them with you…
Before I was a Mom-ADAPTED BY IRIS FRANCIS
Before I was a Mom
I never worried about my plants being poisonous.
I never had been pooped on
Puked on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
Before I was a Mom
I had complete control of my mind and thoughts.
I slept all night.
I exercised whenever I wanted to.
I never thought of immunization shots.
Or the words to Lullabye songs.
Before I was a Mom
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never new the joy it would bring when my baby chooed his first sounds.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I could not stop him from crying.
I never knew holding a sleeping baby would feel so complete.
I never knew something that small could affect my life so much.
Before I was a Mom
I didn’t know how to shh shh a baby.
I didn’t know the feeling of a baby feeding on my breast.
I didn’t know something that small could make me feel so important.
I didn’t know the happiness of the sounds Da Da or MaMa.
Before I was a Mom
I didn’t know the bond of a mother and child, that would last forever.
I never knew I had so many friends to talk to when I needed advise.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love the heartache, or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I never knew how really wonderful my husband is until now.
Being a Mom is a most wonderful thing.
Time goes so fast.
Enjoy.
Love, Mom
This email reminded me that I am not alone and that I am loved dearly.
Another cool thing was that I have a great friend, Nita, who has just recently experienced all that I am going through. She is always calling to check up on me and see if I need anything from the grocery store. Today we went on a walk together and soaked up a beautiful day. This time with her helped me to cope with the major crying fit that happened the moment we hit the door at home-thank goodness we made it home!!! AMEN!!
One more awesome blessing today was that I was connected to an old friend from Texas via the blog world-what a coincidence. God is so cool. Check out Charla’s great blog- click here.
I am not alone! This is what the Lord has shown me today via my friends and family. Thank you Jesus!!
So, I want to end with a verse that the Lord gave me a couple of days ago and I think it speaks for itself:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
My challenge to you is to not shy away from boasting in your weakness. Spill your guts! But, make sure your spilling it all out to God first. He will take that weakness and replace it with His upmost power.
One more thing- you know I wouldn’t post anything these days with out a picture of my Little Bit!!
Sarah,
Grayson is so cute!! I came over here from the LPM blog to see him. I especially liked his newborn picture with no shirt on.
Those first few weeks are pretty tricky. Everything is new. In time things will get easier. Hang in there and have hope!!
My daughter has a 16 month old (just so you have an idea of where I’m at in the children arena).
I’ll pray for you right now. That you get some extra sleep.
It’s tough being a first time mom. Give yourself lots of grace….God sure does. There is nothing like a first born. Savor the moments, lower the bar, get away for a few hours every week. As a mom of four, I always felt so guilty and frustrated when mine were babies because I didn’t have much of a quiet time. God pointed out the early years of child rearing are the living sacrifice He refers to in Ro 12:1. He’s right there with you…every feeding, diaper change, coveted nap. You are in my prayer, dear Siesta.
Blessings, Mary
It’s hard!!! I know!!! But you have to keep telling yourself right now you are just in survival mode!!! Sleepless nights, endless feedings and all those diapers!! It’s hard!!! It will get easier as he starts to sleep for longer amounts of time. I cried the first time I was left alone with my Taylor. I was like……OH MY GOODNESS, I have to pee……can I leave her alone in this room??? =)
You’re doing a great job! And hooray for getting your honest thoughts out there!! Keep it up!
Hey Sarah, He is beautiful! Being a mom is hard, wonderful, exhausting, and the biggest blessing all rolled up into one. You will learn so much. I had a professor in Seminary that said his children were the greatest source for his sanctification. It is so true. You will learn of God the Father and in turn learn you are weak without Him. I love you. I am praying for you. Lynn
thanks for posting your blog on the siesta forum. i’ll come back and visit. being a mom really is hard work!! you’ll do great i’m sure.
-Sheryl (come by for a visit in your spare time – ha)
Hey girly!! I hope things are going ok! I know those first few months are tough! You will survive! And before you know it that little man will be doing so much fun stuff!! It gets better, I promise!! Newborns are the LEAST rewarding stage!! =)
Sarah,
what a beautiful baby and what a beautiful mommy you are. I can tell that you have the heart of a mother. You will be fine and all this will get to the point where you can’t remember it being any other way. I know first hand the awesome responsablity you face.
Go to my blog and read all about it.
Susan @ http://www.grammyshouse-susan.blogspot.com
Hi Sarah!! First of all I love your name…it is the name of my 4 year old daughter. I am always reminding her that she is a princess!
Second, your Grayson is just adorable! I cant believe all of mine are so big now. I remember when I was a new mommy women would tell me how fast it flies by and I thought, “Yeah right!!” BUT it is so true! My baby is now 2!! I miss having a baby around but for us 5 is good!
Finally I just want to encourage you that you are not alone. We have all had the same thoughts, fears, worries, etc… Keeping our eyes, thoughts and hearts focused on Jesus is the only way to even be a good mom. There have been times when I thought I royally messed everything up and then I remember His grace and unconditional love. I pray that you walk in supernatural grace, joy and wisdom from above!
Blessings!
you are blessed – not only by the Lord giving a child, but by all the lessons He will teach you through your kids!!! It will be incredible!!! Hold on – it is awesome!! Love, Leigh