Welcome to Day 2 of Stress Points to Life Points!
Day 2 Stress Point Self Image: How To Be Real and Raw
One of my life mantras these days is: Be Real, Be Raw and Be Relevant. This means that, with out spilling the beans on every single detail of my life, I am real and raw about what’s truly going on. All too often we put on a facade that life is great because we don’t want others to judge or look down on us when we life really isn’t that peachy. There is something to be said for being real and feeling free to express our true feelings and the challenges we deal with. All of these life happenings that we are tempted to hide really serve as building blocks to godly character when we allow them to grow and stretch us.
Whenever I allow my focus to stay inward and I dwell on how bad I think my life is, I’m tempted to say, “I am absolutely the only person on the face of the earth dealing with …” This bleeds into my self image as I spend too much time beating myself up for my mistakes or even my sin. One of the biggest blessings of living and being real and raw is that my focus turns outward. Just by voicing the junk I’m dealing with brings new light into that pit that I dug myself into.
Truth Point: If we walk step by step in the light, where the Father is, then we are ultimately connected to each other through the sacrifice of Jesus His Son. His blood purifies us from all our sins. (1 John 1:7 THE VOICE)
Who wouldn’t want to walk step by step in the light of Jesus? This light is infectious. As we spread His light and love, we get outside of ourselves, our inward focus and the dark pit of self pity. What kind of impact can you make by living in the glorious light of Jesus by being real and raw?
From Stress Point: Thriving Through Your Twenties In A Decade Of Drama
Through scenario after scenario in our everyday life, what others think of us—or don’t think of us—bombards our tender hearts. Our focus often remains on portraying ourselves in the way we want the world to see us, and we make that desired perception our truth. This self-focus is consuming and unproductive because we were not made to focus inward.
Katy Perry’s song “Firework” makes my heart smile with its playful beat and uplifting lyrics. The song encourages us to let our personality sparkle and boom while realizing our full potential as a unique human being. The song beats along, reminding us to light our spark to let the whole world see us shine. You should see me jammin’ out in my car to this funky pop song. But there is something missing. As I dig into the message behind the message, this song reflects that aspect of self-focus we’ve discussed in this chapter while leaving out the One who gives us our spark.
When we rely on our self rather than focusing on Jesus, insecurities, doubts, and fears threaten the self-made spark that “Firework” talks about. A self-made spark and image is flimsy. It is only when we allow His spark to ignite our true God-given image and personality that we show the world around us our true, authentic selves. It is our raw God-given authenticity that will never fail to attract others. (Stress Point page 46-47)
Life Point: Take some time to write out some life “stuff” that is stressing you out these days. Pick just one of them and tell a friend about them. I mean…really tell a friend. Don’t gloss it over but share your heart. Ask that friend what she is dealing with. Then agree to pray for each other over the following week. How did if feel relating your life stuff with that friend? Did it feel good to get real and raw? Did it take some pressure off and make you feel like you are the only one dealing with “stuff?”
I’m so blessed to have an awesome friend (we met during the Stress Point study). We feel comfortable sharing the things that are stressing us out in our lives. We pray for each other, too. It’s definitely a fantastic feeling to get real and raw with a close friend.
This is very awesome. Yay!
I have a hard time being real and raw with my friends for fear they will reject me or not be my friend anymore but i am seeing a friend today and am going to share one thing with her and I will ask her one she is struggling with!!
Meg, I can totally understand your hesitancy to being raw and real. It is a fine line of being willing to share and not let the perceived rejection of others discourage you. It is also a fine line of how much is too much to share. Let the Lord lead you in what words to share but be ready for some real ministry when you get raw and real! Hugs!
Meg, I love this idea of one thing. That encourages me today. I have such a hard time opening up with friends, too, but one thing? One thing I can do! :)
Yay rachelle! Glad I could encourage you!!
Meg, the only kind of friends that are WORTH having ARE the ones who can handle you at your best and worst. It is hard to open yourself up and feel rejected in the end, but it also proves that God gave you a BIG heart and He can fill it and bring the right people to share it with!!
Heck yeah! Well said! Thank you for chiming in, Renee!
Thanks Renee!! As Sarah says thanks for chiming in!!
Awesome, Meg! How’d your get-together go today?
Bree it went ok… Thanks for asking!!
I am slowly learning this and honestly I think it’s going to take a long time. I am begining to be real and and raw with a good friend. Last night all I told her was that my heart was tired. She was also feeling the same way. I then immediately felt less alone. A fear that I have is that if people see who I am they are going to find out that I am not who they thought I was. They are going to find me and instead of liking who they see they will run in the other direction. Praying that this feeling will begin to fade away. I mean really, how many people can I be real and raw with and still stick with me…. how many people do I need to prove they aren’t leaving to me before I begin to believe it? There sure are a lot of people trying.
Amy! Girl. I’m so glad you shared this. You have some very valid questions. I think the thing about it is that we must develop our focus on Jesus and find our confidence in Him first. This takes time in the Word and in prayer in order to allow Jesus to show us that we are always loved and ACCEPTED by Him no matter what the people around us think. Then, when we are confident in Jesus, we can be real and raw knowing that we are sharing in order to relate and do ministry rather than trying to gain acceptance from friends. Does this make sense? Oh I hope it does. Send me an email and we can chat more, ok?
Hugs!
Sarah,
This spoke to me. Last night I felt convicted of texting my friend before I offered God more than a groan so I was up late lying in bed praying about that very thing. Then I pop over here and read this. Thank you. Acceptance by Jesus should take place first in my heart and life before I turn to anyone else, because I so want Him to be #1.
~ Rachelle
Yes Sarah, thank you so much. Will send an email your way now.
Amy, I just read something in Jeremiah last night about how our hearts can be tired so just know that you’re not alone!!
Renee where was it in Jeremiah??
Thanks Renee…. that’s so reassuring.
Amy, awesome to hear how you were real and raw with your friend. There’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
I really needed to hear this. I’ve been having a huge issue with this. I can’t wait to read this book!!
I’ve been hesitant to post because at first I thought being Real and Raw has never got me anywhere until just a few minutes ago. This year has been emotionally and physically hard and I’ve been running from God for a while. Earlier this morning I felt horrible and just in tears. I sat at my desk and prayed and started to thank God for the blessing that he has given me. I started to feel a little better but then I got a phone call from a friend. We talked about the “problems” we have been dealing with and she told me that the service this past sunday really went hand in hand with what I was talking about. She shared a few verses and encouraging words and I truly felt like God was picking me up and saying Chelsey I haven’t forgotten about you. It’s all ok! So my point is- If I haven’t been ” real and raw ” I wouldn’t feel this peace I feel right now. Having that person you can talk to about life is a blessing!
Chelsey I’m so sorry to hear that. Being real and raw should be the way to go. Three words I use to define how I communicate with others are: honest, open, and transparent. If people can’t handle a real and raw person then they are definitely not meant to be my friend. I’m so glad you found someone to be able to share life with and that most of all God showed you His love :)
Renee, I love what you said about how you communicate with others! It’s such a great feeling to be honest, open, and transparent.
This is awesome. I love your litmus test of how to be real and raw. Thanks so much!
Awesome, Chelsey! Thank you for sharing!!!
Thanks for sharing your website on Mommywood!!! I loved the question posed – its such an obstacle that I think is so easy to do. We all put our ‘masks’ on and as long as things on the outside look fine, people can be easily deceived when someone is truly a ‘hot mess’ on the inside. I feel like since my relationship with Christ has grown that I’ve been able to find myself less worried about what others think of me and more thankful for what God has blessed me with. I think this has allowed me to be more ‘raw’ with close friendships. Its like the blinds were taken off and I can ‘see’. God loves us all – he created each and every one of us before we were even a twinkle in our mother’s eyes – each one of us is his favorite and most precious gem and knowing that gives me confidence to be ‘raw’ when I need to be. Like all, there are bad days, but its what we do with those bad days (pray, get in the word, seek out advice) that we can grow in our relationship with Christ, and also grow in our relationships with others.
I agree, Jen. Now that my relationship with Christ is growing, I’m not as reserved. Loved everything you said!
Amen!!! So very well said!!!
I really really would love to be more real and raw, but in recent times I’ve just enveloped myself and deal with it on my own. I do have a friend or two that I feel like I could open up to and spill my heart to, but the block that stops me is knowing that later it will be used against me, in a way, meaning that the subject will be brought up later in a negative context. It really stinks.
In my previous job I discovered just how dishonest and deceitful people are when you share your personal stories, so that experience makes me reluctant to even share personal details with acquaintances or co-workers who I feel I could trust. I guess it all boils down to fear of rejection and alienation, my ultimate weakness. Most of the time it seems like God is the only one worth sharing my heart with.
I’m sorry to hear you experienced such negativity, Ashley. However, just because that happened before doesn’t necessarily mean your friend would do the same thing. Hugs!
Ashley, I can totally understand why you would be hesitant to be real and raw with your friends. I would encourage you to continue to have deep conversations with Jesus about what you are dealing with. Let Him guide and direct you and give you the peace you need. But, be willing to be vulnerable with friends maybe in light of the fact that someone might need to hear how Jesus worked in your life. What do you think? It is tough. But like I said, ministry happens when we share and encourage others to do the same. When you are confident in your King, it really doesn’t matter how other’s respond. What matters is that you were doing what Jesus commands when he said love your neighbor. One big way we can love our friends is by being real and raw and giving them to open door to do the same.
Hugs!
I love something called “girl talk”, where I can be real with others and not put on a phony face….It feels go to be real and raw….it frees the soul.