*****While I’m on my blogging break I invited a couple of friends to share their thoughts. Meet my super sweet friend, Ryan Smith. Ryan is not only a LIVE IT OUT! blog reader but she is also a friend in real life–we live in the same town. This is so fun for me to have one of my “girls” write for the blog! Read more about Ryan at the bottom of the post. Enjoy
Do any of you ladies feel challenged when it comes to forgiveness? Does your otherwise generous and loving heart cringe at the thought of having to forgive someone who hurt you, especially if they have never apologized? The topic of forgiveness has been weighing heavily on my heart for the last few weeks. It started with a sermon on love, which convicted my heart on a certain sister in Christ who had hurt me time and time again, someone I held a large grudge against, someone who made me angry just to be in the same room with. Someone who was somehow able to turn my normally kind and loving heart into a hateful, spiteful one. Someone who transformed me to my old self, the self I was before Christ.
I wanted to whisper a forgiveness in prayer and just be done with it, but God reminded me that forgiveness needed to come from my heart, not my mouth. So began the three week journey of studying my heart, chipping away at the old scars that were preventing me from loving my Christian sister. As I voiced my reserves about forgiving this person to my Heavenly Father, I found my voice becoming more and more shrill and my cheeks getting more and more red. I was ANGRY. Angry that I had been hurt, angry that I should have to apologize when I knew I would never get an apology from her. The more I shouted at my God, the more He started peeling away the layers of anger. In a couple of days, I realized that all of my anger was stemming from my past. I had been bullied throughout elementary and middle school, and I had learned to defend myself against hurtful comments by being angry. Anger, it seemed, could block the hurt from actually penetrating my heart.
God continued over the next two weeks to show me more of my identity in Him. I didn’t have to be defensive anymore, because the truth was clear: I am His beautiful daughter, and words and actions from humans could never change that. Wow. All of a sudden, all that mattered was that I forgive that person immediately, from my heart. You can’t imagine the weight lifted off of my shoulders that day. All of a sudden, the thought of what she had done to me didn’t make me angry. All I wanted to see were the good parts of her. The bad parts are no longer my focus.
Perhaps for you, it’s another wall that you’ve put up that isn’t allowing you to forgive. Maybe a sense of pride, or entitlement, or just plain apathy. Whatever it is, hand it to God. Allow Him to gradually show you what is preventing you from having a graceful heart. Allow Him to show you a Heavenly perspective. Can you imagine if God was angry or prideful, and decided not to forgive us because we didn’t deserve it? Of COURSE we don’t deserve forgiveness! The difference between a heart before God and a heart after God is that we gain the power (from Him and Him alone) to forgive as He does. We gain the power to stand on our foundation of TRUTH and FREEDOM that He brings, and extend that to everyone around us.
I’d like to encourage you to meditate in these verses from Scripture, allowing them to penetrate your heart and guide you in your path to forgiveness. I feel I should mention that forgiveness is not a one time deal, but rather a continuous process throughout your life. Let this living Word resonate in your heart.
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” – Matthew 6:14-15
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17
“When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ “- John 8:7 NIV
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” – Colossians 3:13
What do you think about the challenges of forgiveness?
Leave a comment…let’s chat!
Ryan Smith is a 24 year old paralegal starting a new chapter of her life with Christ as the center. She enjoy singing and making music, shopping, OWLS, hanging out with friends and her boyfriend, and just enjoying the little things that make her life such a blessing. Read more from Ryan on her blog I Am Muddled Perfection!
Ryan you are awesome! So glad we’ve had these past few years to grow and to get to know each other! So proud of you! Love ya :)
Thanks so much, Chels :) I’m so glad we’ve had so many awesome times together as well! You are such a blessing in my life!
I do,especially towards one specific person. It’s a real challenge. Sometimes I turn around and try to pray for her but its almost like I’m the one who needs the prayer to release my hurt. She probably gives me less thought than I give the whole issues these days anyway.
When I think about this, how I hold onto hurt feelings and anger towards something that happened months ago and someone that I had to remove from my life, I wonder if someone is having a hard time forgiving me? What if I’ve really hurt another girl and didnt realize it? I can’t think of a time I’ve intentionally tried to do that but it makes me think.
Tonya,
That’s an interesting thought…an interesting perspective on forgiveness that I hadn’t considered before. I think it’s really good to put yourself in that position and think, “What if I’ve harmed someone and they haven’t forgiven me?” That makes me feel awful. Putting yourself in their shoes may make it easier for you to let go of your anger and forgive THEM for how they’ve wronged you. It’s a freedom for both of you, in a way!
With your specific person that you have trouble forgiving, I know exactly what you mean about needing the prayers to release your hurt. At that point it’s not so much about the other person but how our pride allows us to make situations more personal and hurtful. We feel entitled to an apology or for that person to somehow right their wrongs..even in your case, when the other person probably doesn’t even recall hurting you!! I feel like it’s important in those times to just cry out to God and tell Him how you’re feeling. Say out loud how it makes you feel and ask for HIs healing in that area. I’ve found that really helps me!
It’s very hard to think about someone holding that against me. Part of me thinks the thought came from what Katie brought up, not being able o forgive myself. I told someone this morning and I don’t know where it came front, if came out and then shocked me “I need to be kinder to myself.” If I can’t forgive muself why would anyone else? Yeah, I need to learn to be Kinder to myself. Not an easy task.
Hey, Ryan, I’m learning that I forgive other people pretty easily. It’s myself that I have a hard time forgiving.
Katie,
I have that issue as well! It’s very hard to forgive yourself for things. It’s awesome that you are able to forgive others, but what do you think limits your forgiveness to other people and not to yourself? Do you feel you don’t deserve forgiveness? Do you believe that God has forgiven you? I have a hard time holding on to my past wrongs, and sometimes even the knowledge that God has forgiven me isn’t enough for me to forgive myself! We just have to remember that if He can forgive, then we have no right as His creation to keep ourselves in guilt. Guilt is NOT of Him, but of the enemy. When you feel as though you cannot forgive yourself, hand over that guilt and that grudge to Him and ask Him to take it away from you. Speak the power of His name onto the enemy’s hold on you in this area.
Always remember that you are worthy of forgiveness and He has already forgiven you for everything you will ever do!
Would be happy to chat some more! :)
Great post Ryan ! i’ve had to deal with forgiving a certain friend not too long ago, who wasn’t able to honor part of a promise she had made to me but after much prayer and Bible reading I have totally forgiven her !IT I S FREEING!:)
i LOVE like tons so I guess I couldn’t be mad for too long !:)
Will check your blog it seems cool , I have one too but it’s in French!