Body image is something that I struggled with since I was in elementary school. Earlier this year, I was looking at an old yearbook from fifth grade. The last page was a questionnaire about myself, such as my likes and goals. As a ten year old girl, I wrote that my goal was to lose ten pounds. When I read that, my heart sank. A young girl shouldn’t be concerned with such an issue. I was at a healthy weight, yet I still didn’t feel good enough. Unfortunately, this thought process carried out through my teens and mid-20s.

In high school and college, I wouldn’t eat lunch – even though I was hungry – because I didn’t want to eat in front of anyone. In a way I felt ashamed that I had to nourish my body. I didn’t want to be vulnerable and show others that basic need. This stems from trying to be perfect, which I now know is impossible here on earth.

Towards the end of high school, I started to put on weight. I was an appropriate weight for my height and body type, but was nearing to be overweight. Anyway, once I returned home from school, I would over eat, because I was so hungry from not eating lunch. I first deprived my body and then I’d overindulge. These are not healthy habits.

About ten years ago when I was in college, the Atkins diet was all the rage. The program was based on steps. For the first two weeks, you’re to only eat 20 carbs a day. After that initial time, you’re to gradually increase your carbohydrate intake. I felt it was in my best interest to only ever eat 20 carbs a day, which I did for over a year. I became so weak that climbing a flight of stairs made me dizzy and lightheaded. It’s was ridiculous! I was depriving my body of so many foods that were good for me, but because they didn’t fit within my quota, I avoided them. That was no way to live! I gave up that habit, but years afterwards I felt guilty for eating more than 20 carbs. I’m thankful I didn’t damage or destroy any of my organs. I’m not proud of my actions. I misused my precious body for selfish reasons.

Once I gave up the 20 carbs a day routine, I turned to exercising. It became an obsession. If I didn’t go to the gym EVERY day and workout for at least two hours, I felt like a worthless and lazy person. If I was sick or unable to go for whatever reason, I’d make up that missed time. I remember working out one day for six straight hours, because I had missed going the two previous days. After doing that for nearly three years, I became exhausted in so many ways and canceled my membership.

I’m happy to say that for the past four years I’ve drastically changed! I eat balanced meals throughout the day and go on 30 minute walks about five times a week. I now look and feel better than ever! There are days when I look in the mirror and want to criticize the size of my arms or knees, but I catch myself – I just can’t go down that road again. It’s too destructive.

I’ve shared this information in the hopes of letting women know that you’re not alone. I pray that others don’t allow themselves to suffer in the ways I have. You can change! Acknowledge you’re given just one body. Don’t abuse it. Be grateful. You’re beautiful in the eyes of the Lord.

~In regards to the second journal that asks about something I love about my body: I love my hands! I use them for creative purposes, such as sewing, baking, writing, and playing the piano. With them, I can embrace people and animals, and offer a helping hand. God knew of my desire to be creative and helpful.

~I agree with the words written on page 61. My obsession was a form of idolatry. I can shift my focus off my body and look towards Elohim by seeing that He created me beautifully and I should appreciate that I have a fully functional body.

I have been listening to a lot of joyce meyer lately and let me tell you she has some awesome things to say! I am listening to a series right now on Power thoughts. It is about renewing our mind to think good thoughts. I think this goes along with last weeks self-image topic and this weeks body image topic. I would encourage anyone who has negative thoughts and wants to learn how to train the mind to think better to listen to this series. She also has a book titled Power thoughts.

I just felt like I should share that with you in the hopes that if you are struggling with your thoughts today it might help!

Have a blessed day!

I was thinking about this yesterday. We are all works of art. No one piece of art is like any other piece of art. That is what makes it stand out. It is unique and beautiful in its own way. We have to start thinking of ourselves as gods piece of art. If all art was the same it would be pretty boring. The same thing goes with us. So think of yourself as a unique piece of god created art!
Have a blessed holiday everyone! Happy birthday America!

Oh, body image! As I said in my reply on Bree’s post, I am a recovering exercise/nutrition-obsessed girl. I never had a diagnosed disorder, per say, but I would become anxious if I exercised less than an hour or ate over my allotted amount of calories. I even used scripture to fuel my addiction thinking, “I am glorifying God by taking care of myself and eating healthy!” I was self-conscious about my weight, even when I was skinny. I hated any sort of comment being made that drew attention to my weight or eating habits. I remember one time a few years ago I felt like I needed to take a break from exercise and had to talk myself into not running for two days in a row. I held on to my idol so tightly, even when I knew it wasn’t emotionally or spiritually healthy. As I got stressed with school and other life stuff I found myself overeating. I would feel guilty and reduce my intake the next day or log extra miles to make up for it. It turned into a vicious cycle. One time I even tried to make myself throw up because I felt sick from eating too many sweets. In my mind it seemed justified because I felt physically ill. That one incident shook me to the core, and made me wake up. I made a decision that I was not going to let this rule my life and prayed for help. The Lord provided me an older friend, who is also a counselor specializing in eating disorders, and together we have worked on many things.

For the past eight months I have taken time off of exercise and let go of my eating habits. I have good days and bad days. I still overeat at times, but I will not allow myself to try to compensate with exercise or starvation. Instead, I focus on making a healthier choice at the next meal. On a daily basis I feel better not living in fear of gaining weight, but I still feel pangs of failure when I see old acquaintances and realize the last time they saw me I was 30 pounds lighter. My close friends have been so supportive throughout my journey. I am incredibly thankful for them.

I could write a book about body-image and self-worth, and probably have from all the journaling I do! Writing has been such a helpful tool in my healing, as well as the openness here in the blog. THANKS! It gives me hope :)

THREE things I love about myself are: my reddish/brown hair, my eyes that match my hair, and my skin.

P.S. You can also use dry erase markers on your mirror to write verses. It wipes off easier than lipstick :)

This past school year my way of feeling in control was to control when and what I ate…. sometimes it was going really well, other times I was hardly eating. When things would change or spin a little more out of control I latched onto something I could control… losing weight by putting less food into me… and honestly the most weight I have to lose would probably be around 20lbs… more than that and I think I would look really unhealthy…

Now that the school year has ended I am slowly becoming more consistent with nutrition while feeling as though I can restart my body as well. I’m slowly making changes and I think that that is the only way it will stick. I’m not where I should be but I’m on my way. It’s interesting to be a teacher teaching kids how to eat healthy and exercise and not necessarily practice it myself. Then I wonder how many teachers in my position actually are practicing what they preach… not many… there are very few people in this world who have it all together. (They might show that they do, but really nobody knows what they’re doing :) ) I’m working on it everyday and honestly think I connect better with these teens because I show them I’m not all put together, that I take risks, make mistakes, and am trying to figure all this out too. I think this gives my crew freedom to let me into their lives to help them figure out how to make healthy decisions. We figure it out together… they teach me a lot and I don’t think they have any idea :)

I recently memorized Psalm 139:14 and whenever I have a yucky thought its been popping into my mind. I am so thankful for this!

In the kitchen area, I tried to get things that were a mzrket umbrella – beige little bit pink.

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